INSPIRATION THURSDAY: AN ARTIST AND MOTHER

I'm a little late in posting my Inspiration Thursday post, but who's keeping track?

While researching children's illustrators last week, I came across Crystal Driedger. She's a mom to a toddler who is Baby T's age, as well as an artist. While I was checking out her website, I was struck by her amazing paintings that represent different aspects of motherhood:

This one is called "Sharing Sleep." I can certainly relate, since Little M is all about cosleeping these days.

"Becoming Mother." Need I say more?

"Fed With Love"

"Wearing Baby"

When I came across these, it was almost like looking at a snippet of my own life in pictures. I contacted Crystal to ask about her illustration, her life as a mom, and her inspiration.

This is what she said:

"Mostly, I'm a stay-at-home mom these days. I find time here and there, in between naps, to fit in work as an illustrator, but it's not my focus, and I no longer consider myself a working mom. I have no regrets for this hiatus from my full-time working woman status. I still get to sit down at my easel, at least once a week, and draw or paint. Making time for myself, or even for a client, to create, is therapeutic, calming and wonderful.


It's been a wonderful change of pace and a wonderful change of expectations. Before I became a mother, I fully expected to be able to continue almost as vigorously in my career, regardless of who was crawling around my feet, but becoming a mother has opened my eyes to what my true priorities are. I don't mind being a penny pincher and I'm creative in finding ways to make one salary work with our entire family. I realize that I am truly blessed that my husband makes enough to support us and we are grateful every day for his hard work. My 2 year old and I have been enjoying life, exploring our world together and learning with each other. I'm happy when I get work, because I'm creating, but I'm equally happy when the work is handed in and the deadline has passed because the extra stress makes me a less patient mother.


I would highly recommend, if you are seriously considering working from home, a job like illustration. It's going to take a while to get trained in techniques if you're not already proficient in the software or with the different illustration mediums (acrylic paint, for example), but once you get over that hump, if working and staying at home are a priority, you can make it work. On a serious deadline, I could put in almost 25 hours of work a week, without outside help from a care provider, and make enough money to pay for extra things here and there. I'm not sure being a freelance illustrator is something that a single-parent should consider, because it has no stability, especially when you're first fishing for jobs, but it'd be a great place to start if you have another income to lean on. A graphic designer has more potential for a stable income,  there is more need for design work in the current market (think logos, magazines, fliers, business cards, etc), and you can always work your illustrations into any design work that you do. Going to school for this type of work is even more essential than if you want to become an illustrator.


I'm not a superstar illustrator at the moment and that moment will have to wait until my kids go to school, because right now, I'm in love with being a mom and my day-to-day activities with my son keep me as busy as I need to be. Life is great!"

Can you tell I dig this chick?

It's not just because of her bold, colorful style. It's because she recognizes her passions as well as her priorities. She is an artist at heart, and she recognizes how creating art is good for her soul. Yet she is even more inspired by motherhood and is a devoted mom. On her blog, she posts a monthly free coloring page that people can print out for their kids.

I'm inspired by the way she intertwines mothering and her art. It's something I'm striving for, too, and I feel like it's no coincidence that I found someone so much like myself during my first foray into this research. We mamas have to stick together!

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY: BROTHERS

I love pictures of kids being kids. Unposed, candid shots with messy faces and funny expressions. Here are some I took this week:

Yummy muffin

Little M's first food

Something up there is more interesting than food.

It's the light!

When Baby T wants to play...

He dumps...

everything out.

I know it's blurry, but it perfectly captures little baby stretches.

Brother love

 

( Linked on I Thought I Knew Mama and HoboMama)

Monday Moments: Talking

Speaking Spanish with Baby

I'm trying to keep up with Capital Mom's Monday Moments themes. She writes these beautiful narratives about her kids--little snippets from her life that seem like they are pulled out of a novel that every mother would love to read. I'm not as eloquent as her, but I love how she shares, and I want to be able to share our moments as well.

When Baby T was a baby, I was so excited once he began to communicate. When he started waving “bye-bye” and doing the sign for milk, I was ready for him to communicate more. It’s frustrating when your baby cries and you don’t know what they want. I couldn’t wait until he started talking.

I speak fluent Spanish because my parents are from Argentina, and I grew up speaking both Spanish and English simultaneously. It is a gift to know another language, and I always said I would give my kids that gift. But when Baby T started talking—and he started pretty early, well before he was a year old—I didn’t want to do anything to hamper his communication. I didn’t want to confuse him with sounds and words from a different language, so I didn’t speak much Spanish to him.

At his one-year well visit, the pediatrician asked, “Does he have a word or two?” He had at least eighty.

At his two-year well visit, the pediatrician asked, “Does he have twenty words or so?” He has hundreds. We can carry on full conversations. Right now, in fact, he’s sitting on my lap, watching “Curious George” and telling me that George has a duck in his hand; the ducks are hatching; and there are three ducks on the TV. It’s such a relief to be able to fully communicate with him these days.

But he doesn’t speak Spanish. Or, I should say, it’s limited. There are things I have always said to him in Spanish. When he asks where daddy is: “Está en el trabajo.” When he asks where Sully is: “Está en casa.” So he can say those things. And I just taught him that motorcycle is “moto.” He likes that one. And he asks for his “leche bottle.” And that’s about it.

I want to be better with Little M. Since I’m home with him, I know I have the opportunity to speak Spanish when we’re alone together. I want my kids to have the ability to speak another language; it’s gotten me to places I never would have otherwise reached in my life.

I would love to hear tips from other moms out there who speak another language themselves: Do you speak it with your kids? How did you start? Do you have a specific routine or time of day that you speak another language? Once they are older, do you feel the need to explain what you’re saying, or do you just talk, hoping your child will eventually pick it up?

Because at this point, Baby T just looks at me like I’m crazy when I speak Spanish to him.

INSPIRATION THURSDAY - I’M OFFICIALLY A WAHM!

The Beginning

I started this blog after Baby T was born because, through him, I was inspired to take the leap to the second stage of my life: motherhood. It has been the most profound step I have taken in my life so far. It sounds so cliché, but all of a sudden my life has a meaning it never had before. Coming home from the hospital with Baby T, I remember Big T saying, “It’s amazing how everything he sees is new to him.” And all of a sudden it hit me how malleable and impressionable children are. And I was the one who was responsible for guiding him, teaching him, and inspiring him.

That’s a tall order, and that same thought has been known to freak a lot of mamas out.

Inspired by Baby

But I was ready for it. I became engulfed in bonding with my baby. The guilt I felt for not being able to be a completely attached mama—because I worked full time (and because sometimes I lose my mind in the middle of the night)—ate away at me. Through nursing strikes, ear infections, and first words, I held him and looked into his eyes, wishing I didn’t have to leave him every morning.

If You Can Make a Baby, You Can Make Anything, Right?

At the same time, I was also filled with an urgency to create. I’ve always created in some way. I used to fill notebooks with stories about princesses, I wrote a “book” in high school about first love. I could sit and draw the day away in my sketch pad when all the other kids wanted to play hide and seek. I’ve gone through various phases of inspiration in my life, and this was the strongest.

All of a sudden, between a 40-hour workweek, a baby who didn’t sleep more than an hour at a time during the day or night, and spending time with Big T, I began to create. I started my blog and my Etsy shop. The ideas began to trickle in.

It Comes in Waves

Fast forward one year. I found out I was pregnant with Little M. It took me by surprise. The thought of having another baby exhausted me at first. I was physically exhausted as well at the beginning of my pregnancy. But I kept creating.

Nurture

Baby T was getting to the stage where he could really interact. I started looking for activities that I could do with him to enrich his own imagination and creativity. I love the way his voice gets excited when he says, “I want do project!” and runs to the kitchen table. I learned that paper mache is a little advanced for a 14 month old. He had fun pouring the torn newspaper from container to container, though. I started to get nervous that my son had ADD. He loves projects, but they usually don’t hold his attention for more than 5 or 10 minutes. But he inspires me. The way he concentrated so hard on dropping the eggs into the jars when we dyed Easter eggs;

the way he scribbles over a picture I’ve drawn and tells me he just drew a doggie; the way he draws on his chalkboard wall: furious and firm vertical lines punctuated by flowing circles. 

Starting to Write Internet Content

Then I had Little M and went on maternity leave. I had been dabbling in writing for the year before that, but started concentrating on it more intensely, because I knew that if I could bring in a consistent income, I could quit my job and stay home. Writing brought a whole new inspiration to me. I’m the kind of person who totally understands the commercial for the Bing search engine, where people spout out their free-association search phrases. One leads to another, to another, and to another… that’s how I am with knowledge. I like to learn. So writing Internet content for other people about who knows what is kind of fun. I get to use my brain, my creativity, and learn about something new every day.

And I get to hang out with my new little muffin every day, too. 

Can I Really Go Back to Work?

I started to feel physically ill at the thought of going back to work. That was the hardest time for me after I had Baby T. I was dreading it even more this time. Not only did Little M get stuck with only half of our undivided attention because his older brother commands so much energy, he was going to end up in daycare at only 3 months old? It hurt to think about it.

Can I really Stay Home?

So I prolonged my maternity leave another month and finally made the decision to cut the cord. To my full-time salary.

So here I am. I’m fully inspired. I’m ready to go. I’m writing up a storm these days. I consider it my day job, in addition to cuddling with Little M and trying to get some laundry done. I stripped my diapers for the first time today (I finally had a need to, since I’ve been able to full-time cloth diaper with Little M). It’s the little things.

Finding a Method for my Madness

I’m just trying to figure out what I want my career to be long term. I am passionate about a lot of things. One of the things I have realized is that even though I’m a homebody, I like to belong to a network of sharing. Beyond the friendship, I like being able to share what I’m passionate about and learn about other people’s passions. Hence the blogging. And I’ve been teaching childbirth education classes. For a while, I wondered if that was really what I wanted to do. But I’m passionate about it because I want to share one of the most inspiring moments of my life with other women because I want other women to know how amazing it feels. 

And I’m passionate about creating. So how can I combine all of this under the Tmuffin umbrella? Because Tmuffin wears a lot of hats, and I think that’s the way it’s supposed to be. 

I’m working with a career coach—who also is a very inspiring woman—to help me figure it out. She says that you eventually get where you’re going, but there’s a long way and a short way to get there. I still don’t know if I’ve taken the long way or the short way, because I feel like I’ve taken the meaningful way. Everything I’ve done in my life has had a deeper meaning. And I realized that at this point in my life, I am surrounded by people who inspire me. 

That helps.

The Third Stage in Life

So even though this blog post was probably the long way to get my point across, I’m going to be doing some research this month to find out where I want to go with the career part of my life. The third stage of my life: my career. 

It’s kind of freaky to say that.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY: NATURE, BROTHERS, AND A PINCH TO GROW AN INCH

Camping, Baby T's 2nd Birthday, and a Lovely Spring

Baby T found Batman at the lake

Little M liked being outside

Happy boy first thing in the morning

Daddy and his mini me

Little campers

Babywearing camping family

What life is really like with a toddler and an infant

The more relaxing times...

Dirty faces, lots of hugs

Our first date in over 2 years

Baby T is convinced this is Little M's potty

Baby T's garbage truck cake and trash can cupcakes

BABYWEARING WEDNESDAY

The Butt Pat

The comment I hear most often from people who don't wear their babies is that they tried, but the baby hated being in a carrier. Usually, they say that baby hated facing in, and they had a sling or other carrier that didn't facilitate out-facing. So they resorted to the Baby Bjorn or gave up babywearing altogether.

I truly believe that all babies like being worn. I also believe that there are good and bad times to wear a baby. Not all babies like being worn in all situations. Some get bored, some are sensitive to certain pressure points, and others do like to face out. If you decide to only buy one baby carrier and you spend all your money on a ring sling but baby prefers to face out, you might be left with a carrier you get very little use out of. That's why being able to try out a carrier before you buy it--even rent it for a week--can make or break your babywearing situation.

I think the keys to making babywearing succeed for both you and your baby are:

• patience
• finding the right time to wear/practice wearing baby
• finding the right position in which to wear baby
• preventing boredom
• butt pats

Patience when babywearing
Both of my kids loved being worn. That's not to say that they didn't cry in the carrier sometimes, though. Baby T would sleep for hours in my Gypsy Mama Bali Baby Stretch wrap, and then wake up screaming his head off. I would pretty much have to get him out of there immediately. And Little M goes on crying sprees where the only thing that does calm him is being worn in a wrap or ring sling. Now, when I first put him in there, he may cry for five to ten minutes. But with a little bouncing and some butt pats, he completely calms down. We'll talk more about the butt pats in a little bit.

You also need to remember that babies cry and get cranky whether they are being worn or not. Sometimes it takes you 20 minutes to settle baby down no matter what you try. So if baby is screaming in the carrier, it doesn't mean she doesn't like it. She's a baby. She might cry. You can try out different timing/positions, but baby might just need to cry for a few minutes. It's not necessarily our job as mothers to stop our babies from crying--sometimes they just need a release, or to communicate--but we can hold them to our hearts and give them love while they are crying, even if we can't stop it. I know listening to baby cry can be downright maddening (and saddening), and I can see it causing a lot of people to quit babywearing. Hearing a baby sob for just one minute feels like 100 minutes. The suggestions below might help troubleshoot the process, though.

Find the right time to wear baby
Baby is not always in the mood to be worn. Getting to know your baby is the best thing you can do to ensure babywearing success. If your baby is crankiest when he's tired, trying out the carrier for the first time when he's rubbing his eyes and yawning may not be ideal. If your baby doesn't like being restricted when wide awake and alert, then don't try babywearing when you would be better off playing with baby on the floor. My babies are both cranky when they're tired, but both needed to be held and rocked to sleep. They also were calmed by swaddling. The feeling of the baby carrier pressed against their backs and their chests pressed against mine soothed them right to sleep.

In fact, Little M could not stay awake in the carrier until recently. When he was awake, he would get a little cranky in it, so I mainly used it for naps. Now he's getting a little better at relaxing in the carrier in a state of curious alertness when he's not sleeping. With Baby T, I used the carrier to get him off his feet and "force" him to relax even when he wanted to play. And by "force," I mean gently urge. Let me explain: Baby T was/is a very energetic kid. He pretty much never stops moving. When he was about a year old, he wouldn't stop moving even when he was tired. And that would make him overstimulated and cranky. So wearing him gave him a chance to get off his feet and relax but still be able to watch everything around him.

Find the right position in which to wear baby
Some babies don't like having their heads covered. Others don't like their legs constricted. Some like their legs dangling, and others love being curled up in the froggy position. Some love snuggling against mom's chest, while others prefer looking out at the world. Some babies are more hot-natured and get warm in a baby wrap or baby carrier.

It's important to try out different positions to find out what works best for your baby. This also involves really getting to know your baby. Baby may like to watch the world, but an out-facing position can be scary and overstimulating. At the same time, baby may get bored if stuck in a front wrap cross carry position on your chest, with limited view to the sides. Knowing different variations and ways to use your baby carrier, or even trying out a different type of carrier, may be all you and baby need to have a great babywearing relationship.

Prevent Boredom
My babies get cranky when they're bored. Little M can only look at the same thing for about 20 minutes before telling me he needs a different outlook. This happens whether he's on the floor, in the jumperoo, in the bouncy chair, or in a baby carrier. Sometimes, watching me clean the kitchen from the wrap bores him. It would bore me too. When we're out and about, going in and out of different stores seeing all kinds of people, or walking in the park, he's in a much better mood, whether he's in the carrier or not.

Butt Pats
When my babies are cranky, there is one thing that always calms them down: bouncing on the exercise ball with a little butt pat added in. I can jump up and down, bounce on the couch, or do calf raises, but it's not the miracle calm that bouncing on the ball is.

A lot of people suggest going out and taking a walk if baby is cranky in a carrier, because the natural swaying motion of mom's walk is soothing to the baby. I say bounce and pat instead.

And here is a little demonstration that puts together all of the above suggestions:

(Now, before anyone says anything about stomach sleeping and Little M all wrapped up while napping, please know I am keeping my eye on him. He is not unattended.)

He was hanging out in the jumperoo while I cooked and cleaned a little. He started getting cranky, and I knew it was time for a nap, so I put him in the Maya Wrap. I can't really cook with him in there, so I decided to work on this blog post--sitting on the exercise ball, bouncing, and regularly typing one-handed so I could pat his butt. Well, he passed out. Then, since the Maya Wrap is great for the easy transfer, I just slipped out of it and set him in the cosleeper. Voila. Sleeping baby and no more crank.

TWO KIDS UNDER TWO

It's harder than I thought

They say your life changes dramatically when you have a baby. They say you don't even know what you're in for until it happens to you. But when I had Baby T, things didn't change that much. I was a homebody anyway. It wasn't like I had to give up gourmet restaurant meals and late nights at the bar. Our idea of a perfect meal was grilling out in our backyard, and I hadn't stayed up past 1 AM since college (before the night I had Baby T, that is). The sleep thing was hard. I do like my sleep, so waking up every 20 minutes with Baby T and going to work the next day was miserable.

But I was happy. In the first three months, I would pack Baby T in the car with some blankets and diapers and head out--to friends' houses, the park, wherever. I remember a friend commenting on how much I was out in the early days. She said she had laid on her couch for the first eight weeks watching bad daytime TV. If I hadn't gotten out of the house, I would have gone crazy. Even though I normally love staying home, there was something about seeing my friends with kids that made me sane. And there was something about proving to the world that I wasn't afraid of living my life even though I had a kid.

Another friend who had her second baby around the same time I had Baby T would call me up, completely overwhelmed, and describe how she hadn't showered in days. She would tell me I was welcome to come over her house, even if it was just to cry. Cry? I thought. I was fine. I showered every day, exercised, and had time to make breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Have an other one? Sure. No sweat.

Flash forward 20 months. Cry all day? Check. Shower only once a week? Check.

Everyone told me how hard it was to have a baby. But no one had told me how hard it was to have two. I mean, people had joked about it. But so many people have two--and three, four, and five--kids, that I figured it couldn't be that bad. Especially if having one baby was so easy. Hell, if the Octomom could do it, I could too.

But the first few weeks at home with both kids was chaos, physically and emotionally. One one hand, all I wanted to do was sit and snuggle with my new Little M. But I felt so guilty for giving love to another baby. On top of it, Baby T was sick the first week, so he was a miserable wreck. In a way, that made it easier, because he didn't move around much. I was able to sit on the couch and nurse both kids.

I cried every day. I knew a lot of women who had had post partum depression with their second child. Now I knew why. I was afraid that I would fall into depression too, because I was so emotional. Everything was harder. When I had had Baby T, I had written down everything he did: every poop, pee, nursing, wakeup, and cry. With two kids under two, though, I could barely even feed Little M, much less record those feelings. I felt a lot of guilt. For both of my kids. I couldn't give Little M the same undivided attention I had given to his big brother, and I couldn't give Baby T the same undivided attention he had once had. Nursing sessions with Little M were cut short when Baby T threw a tantrum, and Baby T wouldn't let the poor kid sleep.

There were days that I struggled, wondering if I could really do this, wondering why people had more than one child, and feeling inadequate because women with less education, money, resources, and support did it all the time. I wish that someone had prepared me a little better. Not that it would have stopped me from having a second child, but because I would have been more prepared. But maybe it's just something you have to experience to believe. I probably would have waved away helpful advice from people telling me how overwhelmed I would be. I mean, I did fine with one baby--how hard could one more be?

You live and learn, I guess.

Luckily, the learning curve was pretty quick. I hate change, but after I fight the initial impetus, I ride the wave pretty easily. My pregnancy hormones must have regulated after two weeks, because the crying jags ended. It wasn't that having two kids got any easier, but the guilt went away. That made it easier to deal with Baby T when he threw a tantrum and Little M when he woke up crying and I couldn't get to him right away because I was bathing Baby T. Once my emotions were in check, I was able to figure it out. We have some little routines that we've established, and I wouldn't be able do it without wearing Little M in a baby carrier for the majority of the day.

And for so long, I kept saying it was so hard because they were so close in age. But then I would talk to a friend who had kids spaced four or five years apart, and she would say how hard it was because the older child now had to be driven to school and extracurricular activities, which left the baby crying in the backseat of the car while mom drove errands.

It is hard for everyone. I'm not a wuss. But I just wish someone would have sat me down and been honest with me about how difficult it was. Then I wouldn't have felt so crazy.