A Breastfeeding Year in Review

This post is part of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop hosted by Life with Levi, and co-hosted by The Slacker Mom, and Diary of a Devil Dog Wife. Visit the links below and link up your own story or leave a comment!

Last week's theme was about passing the torch. I wrote about my wish that mothers really embrace motherhood and breastfeeding and realize that they can truly accomplish anything in life. This week's theme is about milestones.

So many moms set breastfeeding milestones: They will breastfeed for six months, one year, two years... Like most things in life, I didn't have any plans when it came to breastfeeding. I just knew I was going to do it. Because of that, I didn't really have any expectations, either. I guess I expected it to feel natural and be easy. I expected my kids to nurse for about two years. I didn't expect to ever nurse two kids at a time or for breastfeeding to be such an emotional experience.

Nursing and working full time with Baby T was challenging at times. I had an oversupply and a forceful letdown. Baby T had terrible gas. He woke up every 20 minutes to nurse sometimes, and he went through a few nursing strikes when he was sick and teething.I had excess lipase in my breastmilk, and I had to scald all of the milk I pumped before storing it.

But this post isn't about my first year breastfeeding; it's about this past year.

In 2011, I:

• Nursed a brand-new baby--Little M was born!
• Coslept comfortably while nursing, getting much more sleep than I had with Baby T. (Even in the hospital, not cosleeping was never an option. I was just too tired to consider anything else. The nurses kept asking to put him back into his bassinet. They never asked me not to cosleep, but they acted as though it was strange for me not to want him in his bassinet.)
• Tandem nursed a toddler and a newborn.
• Nursed a toddler as much as if he was a newborn.
• Went through weaning my toddler. It was a roller coaster. I often questioned the decision to wean. I never thought that I would want to initiate the weaning process, but nursing a toddler and a newborn was challenging. Not nursing a toddler and nursing a newborn was challenging too.
• Dealt with a forceful letdown but no oversupply issues.
• Worked on improving Little M's poor latch for the first three months of his life. His mouth was small and he had a severe overbite, so he often lost suction when nursing unless I was holding my breast with my hand and squeezing it into a flat shape so it would fit in his mouth better.
• Dealt with (and am still dealing with) a baby biting while nursing. Little M is a little more precocious than Baby T was in that area, and he often bites when he doesn't feel like nursing or when he just wants to be playful. He usually only does it once, because my surprised reaction tends to startle him into stopping.
• Had a few moments when I questioned my supply. I trust my body to make the right amount of milk, and I know it does, but compared with the oversupply I had with Baby T, sometimes I felt like I barely had any milk for Little M. And Little M is much smaller than Baby T was... it's hard not to compare. Whenever I questioned my supply, I would nurse Little M more often.
• Spent a lot of time nursing in a wrap or sling.
• Nursed at a breastfeeding cafe put on by the Port City Breastfeeding Project every month.
• Became a childbirth educator and guided moms through the process of breastfeeding.

Little M will turn one next month, and his nursing is still going strong. He nurses at least five times a day and at least twice during the night. Some nights he latches on for an hour while we both sleep. I don't expect him to stop nursing any time soon, but he is a much more distracted nurser than Baby T ever was, and he eats a lot of solid food, so I am afraid that he will stop nursing sometime during this next year. Maybe I'll be ready for him to stop. I don't think so, but I really don't know.

That's the beauty of breastfeeding--because I never had any expectations, it's the one time in parenting that I'm more or less comfortable going with the flow. If only the coming years of parenting could be so easy.

Breastfeeding: All I Want is Empathy

This post is part of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop hosted by Life with Levi, and co-hosted by The Slacker Mom, and Diary of a Devil Dog Wife. Visit the links below and link up your own story or leave a comment!

Last week’s blog hop was about unkind words and comments about breastfeeding. Today’s breastfeeding blog hop deals with encouragement for breastfeeding.

Diary of a Nursing Strike - A Conclusion (Hopefully)

What NOT to do when your baby is going through a nursing strike

Well, I think Baby T's nursing strike is ending. At least I hope so. The past few days have been a little bit iffy and a little bit promising.

With a little help from my friends, and the information about nursing strikes on kellymom.com, I was able to keep my cool and coax Baby T back to the boob. Here are some of the tricks that worked for me:

Do not starve your baby into nursing
Oops. I am guilty of this. Since he doesn't really eat solids yet, and I didn't want him to get accustomed to drinking from the bottle over me, and I thought "when he is hungry, he will eat." Apparently, when he is hungry, he will turn into an irritable little monster and refuse all offers of food, nurturing, singing or kisses. Which will make mommy even more frustrated.

Don't continue trying to get baby to take the breast after major frustration (either mom's or baby's) sets in
Oops. I am guilty of this. I knew I wasn't supposed to continue, but there were a couple of nights when, after apparently starving my baby, I thought, "he HAS to be hungry. Come on--NURSE already!!" and tried jamming my boob into his mouth. It appears that this is not the most effective approach.

Kellymom says: Sometimes it can be helpful to offer a little supplement at the beginning of a feeding; this can take the edge off baby's hunger so he has more patience to work on the breastfeeding. If you've been working on latching and hunger is getting in baby's way, go quickly to whatever alternative feeding you're using. If you're both totally frustrated, give a whole feed, but if you think your baby is up for it (and you are too), only offer enough supplement to calm him and go back to working on breastfeeding.
Oops. I am guilty of not doing this. Sometimes I would have Baby T eat some solids before nursing, but he never eats much solid food anyway. Going back to the hungry thing, I always figured if he was hungry enough, he would nurse, so I didn't offer a supplement before nursing. However, when we would get totally frustrated, I would leave his nursery in a huff, hand him to Big T, and say, "just give him a bottle." At which time he would not take the bottle or eat anything because by then he would be too upset.

Maintain your milk supply when the baby is not nursing
Yay! I did this. Usually after handing Baby T to Big T and saying "just give him a bottle," I would say--add pissy, dissapointed attitude--"I have to pump." The day I forgot to bring my double electric pump home from work sucked, and my forearms got a workout from using 2 hand pumps at the same time. If your baby is having nursing issues, make sure you have your electric pump with you at all times.

Your goal is to coax baby to the breast. Do not attempt to force your baby to breastfeed. Avoid pressuring baby to nurse. Offer in an ultra-casual way and pretend you don't mind if he refuses.
Yeah. Oops--but only for the first 2 days or so. We got a lot better at this. During Baby T's nursing strike, he also became quite adept at giving high fives, so after he would pop off the breast and get a little fussy, the routine would go as follows:
Mom: Pretend sneeze (this is pretty much a guaranteed tension breaker)
Baby T: laugh
Mom: Pretend cough
Baby T: giggle
Mom: *Puts out hand* High five!
Baby T: laughs while hitting my hand over and over again.
Note: This only worked for a few days. After that, he became privy to the intention behind my games, and would only calm down if we got up out of the nursing chair. So off we would go.

"Wear," carry, hold and cuddle your baby as much as possible
All RIGHT!! Two points. We did this too. A lot. For some reason, my active and squirmy baby always calms down when I wear him on my chest in the wrap. We had a lot of babywearing sessions during the strike.

Lots of skin-to-skin contact
This was hard to do since it's winter and our electric bill went up $100 last month, so we're trying not to keep it too warm in the house. But when I wore him in the wrap, I would try to keep him skin-to-skin with me.

Drip expressed breastmilk (if you have it) or formula onto the tip of the nipple as you're latching (use an eyedropper or a bottle). You can continue this while you're breastfeeding
This was my go-to method for a while. But deep in the throes of the strike, even this didn't work. I would suggest it as a very effective instant fix, though. I used a medicine dropper that came with one of his gripe waters to drip milk down my breast and into his mouth while his mouth waited under my nipple. Instant latch! I would also squirt milk into the corner of his mouth if he was about to get fussy in between letdowns.

Rebirthing
This involves getting into a warm tub with baby, and placing baby on mom's tummy in the bath, and just stroking and talking quietly to baby. Baby may eventually work himself up to the breasts, where he will suckle. This is a nice idea, but you try getting into a bathtub with a slippery 8 month old little worm who is trying to pull himself up on the edge of the tub and continually splashing you with water. However, maybe this explains why he nursed so readily after his swimming lesson last week.

Try different nursing positions, or try nursing while moving
I did notice that Baby T was trying to rearrange himself across my chest, and on his tummy, a lot while nursing. I tried to put him in this position to begin with. I tried feeding him while walking around, just pulling up and offering the breast. One thing that did work was, after calming him down by bouncing on the exercise ball and holding him in a cradle position, he started sucking on my shirt. I offered him the breast while still bouncing, and he was all for it.

 Monday night he nursed all night. He was up every 2 hours, and wouldn't unlatch. So I pulled him into bed with me, and he nursed for hours on end. Once  he was up for the day, he was a little more hesitant. He would want to nurse every hour or so, but just for a few minutes at a time. When I put him down for his first morning nap, he pulled the old "freak out on the boob." Chill relaxed mommy said, "Ok, I guess you're done eating for now" and wrapped him up in his swaddle blanket on the floor. Well... he still seemed hungry. So I kneeled over him and offered the boob. He took it right away and nursed for another 5-10 minutes. When I told Big T about my success with a new position, he said, "Like an udder?" Yup. Like an udder. Once he took the breast that way, I was able to move into a side-lying position.

We tried the udder position again tonight. I got a giggle out of him, and then he latched on. I think I'm onto something!

This morning, he was acting hungry and sucking away on my shoulder, but refused to nurse in his bedroom. So we moved to my bedroom, waving to Big T along the way, and he had no problems when laying next to me on my big bed.

In conclusion
The hardest part of this experience was keeping my cool. Let's face it, that is the hardest part of every situation for me. This has been a good lesson. Parenting in general is a good lesson. Let's hope this makes me a better person. (Just as long as you keep nursing, Baby T).

Diary of a Nursing Strike - Milestones

One of my friends suggested to me that maybe Baby T is just changing his patterns. He's getting older... she asked me, "Is he going through any milestones?"

Ha. Is he ever.

He is teething, pulling up on things, saying new sounds every day, learning hand signals. He is waving 'hi' and giving high fives. The kid is on fire. So maybe he's too busy to nurse.

Witness the magic:

Diary of a Nursing Strike Part Deux

Take a chill pill and call me in the morning

How do you handle a nursing strike when your child is teething? I know I have read about this on the internet, but I have yet to meet someone in real life who has had their baby go on a nursing strike while teething. Well, I'm real life. This is happening to me.

January 10-16, 2010
No sign of teeth yet, but Baby T is in a MOOD this week. He is being a little fink. (Direct quote). We can't figure it out. I swear this is how he acted when his bottom teeth appeared, but his upper gums are smooth and slimy. No sign of the daggers yet. He can't sit still.

The baby who once went to sleep without a sound at 6:30PM now cries from the crib. I have to go in and lay a hand on his back and whisper "shhhhhh" to get him to sleep. He falls asleep around 7:30 every night.

Nursing is becoming difficult. Baby T writhes and kicks and pats and swats incessantly. He rearranges himself onto his stomach and draws his knees up to his chest underneath his body. He is basically doing child's pose across my chest. He pops off the nipple periodically with a loud slurping pop. Nursing is taking 2 separate sessions. The first is comprised of this wrestling match. I put him in his crib. He cries. During session 2 he is chill. He falls asleep.

Sunday, January 17, 2010
Baby T is laughing on the changing table. As he throws back his head and smiles, I catch a glimpse of something on his upper gums. I shove my finger in his mouth and draw in my breath quickly. Teeth! Two of em! I can feel the sharp ridge about to come through. We excitedly tell Big T and show Mom-Mom that night at dinner. Mom-Mom is going on a week long trip. I tell her next time she sees Baby T he'll have 2 buck teeth. Ha. Little did I know.

Monday-Tuesday, January 18-19, 2010
Monday and Tuesday go without a hitch, for the most part. Continuing to feed the wrestling (he is no longer a nursling). I tell Big T he seems like he is writhing in pain. He hasn't been napping well and he is cranky.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I come home from work. Big T looks exhausted. Baby T's usual "throw yourself at mom's chest with your mouth open" ensues. He is tired. He hasn't slept well today. I bring him to his room at 6, which is earlier than usual, but he is Tired with a capital T. He bobs hungrily at my shoulder. We sit on the chair in the nursery. He bobs hungrily at my chest. I undo my nursing bra. All hell breaks loose. He screams, he cries, he writhes. He freaks.

We take a break and read some books. Mr. Hyde returns. He laughs at "Little Puppy" and pats the fire in "Goodnight Moon." He starts to fuss. He's hungry. Bobs at the chest. I undo my nursing bra. Hell. Loose.

I put him in the Arm's Reach Cocoon to rock him. Sometimes it's better when he can't smell me. He cries gutterally.

I give up. Back in the living room, Big T looks up, surprised. Baby T gives him his best smile. We eat dinner while Baby T plays and rubs his eyes. We try nursing in different places. In the living room, laying in the bedroom, in the guest room. Hell. Around 8:30, we go back into the nursery. Repeat previous sequence. Hell.

O-KAY. Baby T goes into my wrap, and, snuggled against my chest, falls fast asleep. He is limp like a rag doll when I finally take him out and put him in his cocoon. He is exhausted and fast asleep. He wakes that night at midnight. I try to nurse him. Hell. He snuggles in my arms and falls back to sleep quickly. Repeat at 3AM, at which time he goes back to sleep in the wrap on my chest.

Thursday, January 21, 2010
We were supposed to go to the pediatrician this morning for Baby T's 6 month vaccinations, which we had cancelled at his 6 month appointment because he had a cold. But Baby T is so fussy I wouldn't be able to tell if he were having a reaction to his vaccinations or not, and that scares me. So I call and cancel. The girl at the front desk is sympathetic. I'm sure she has heard this all before. She probably knows exactly what I'm in for.

Tieren hasn't eaten in over 16 hours. I use the medicine dropper during Baby T's first feeding at 7AM to coax him to nurse. Score. He falls for the bait. Although he is hungrily trying to push my boob out of the way and grab the medicine dropper with his hand, I succeed by dribbling milk down my nipple and into Baby T's mouth. Latch. I relax and Baby T nurses to sleep.

I stay home from work this morning until Baby T's next feeding time. Try again with the medicine dropper. Score again. He's back. Phew.

Fast forward to Thursday afternoon. Come home from work, Baby T throws himself at my chest, go to the nursery, undo my nursing bra, all hell breaks loose. I am now fully equipped, however, and I offer him milk from the medicine dropper. It squirts into his eye. Oops. Then into his mouth. He stubbornly keeps his mouth shut. Then, "oh, what's this?" I can see him smacking his lips a little. He relaxes and opens his mouth for more. I try the old milk on the nipple trick. Hell breaks loose again.

In between breaks for reading books, trying to give him some milk directly from a cup (he takes maybe an ounce), playing in the living room, trying to feed him banana (which he refuses, but that's not unusual. He's not really into solids yet), I try to nurse him. He eventually is giving me the tight lipped head shake when I offer him the breast, the medicine dropper, the bottle, and the cup. He's onto me.

I'm angry. I am angry and hurt. I don't understand why my baby is the only one who doesn't nurse for comfort. Why is he so stubborn? Doesn't he understand that mama wants him to feel better? He's starving. But every time he so much as looks at the breast, I can see the wheels in his head spinning, and he will close his mouth and shake his head ever so slightly, as if he's telling himself, "no, that's gonna hurt." I am taking it personally, and I'm getting frustrated. Baby T knows it. Big T tells me I have to relax. I know I shouldn't be angry at my baby. This hurts him  more than it hurts me. I should be sympathetic. But as my efforts fall flat, I become less and less sympathetic.

I am angry that he takes a bottle with no problem from his dad all day long, and rejects me when I come home. Most of all, I am afraid that Baby T will never nurse again. I keep repeating a story that I read on the internet in my mind, where the baby nursed one last time, and that was the last time the baby ever nursed. I want to nurse Baby T as long as he wants, of course. I don't want to push him, but I also know that babies normally don't wean themselves until they are at least 18-24 months (according to Mr. Google and friends.) I want to nurse Baby T until at LEAST then. He's only 8 months old, and not really eating solids. He is going to need breastmilk as his main source of  nutrition for a while. And I don't want to have to pump for this main source of nutrition all the time. I pump 3 times a day at work, and it is so nice to come home and nurse Baby T. It's my meditation, my calm after a long annoying day. It's for me as much as it is for him. Breastfeeding is like a drug. Crazy hormones are driving me at this point, but I am adamant that I will fix this. I just don't know how.

He falls asleep in my wrap that night. Wakes up twice during the night. I am up with him for a while. He nurses, but quickly, and doesn't fall back to sleep. We lay around on the guest room bed. He falls back asleep in my wrap.

Friday, January 22, 2010
Hallelujah, I have the day off. Baby T nurses fine in the morning (although I am prepared now, and don't even offer him the boob without a milk squirt, medicine dropper in hand.) As the day progresses, he wants to nurse less and less. Friday evening is much of the same as the previous evenings. Frustration, anger, and refusal. By now, Baby T has learned that shaking his head means no. I am not happy with this new development. I'm so frustrated by the end of the night, that Big T  has to put Baby T to bed. Sometimes I think that Baby T becomes more frustrated when he can smell me, and is hungry, but isn't able to eat because it hurts.

I google nursing strikes that night. The common thread in all of the advice is that I need to keep my cool. Don't show your baby frustration. Don't even feel the frustration, because your baby will feel it too. Easier said and done. I am not a calm type of person. If I hold in my frustration, it only gets worse. I can practically hear the steam pouring from my ears. I am like a hot kettle, and my whistle is about to go off.

Baby T sleeps well during the night, but doesn't nurse well. Grrrrr.... I am upset and exhausted. But it's cool.

Saturday, January 23, 2010
Swimming lessons at the Y this morning! Baby T loves the water. We have a great time. After the juggling act of trying to get both him and myself back into dry clothes in the women's locker room, Baby T is bobbing at my shoulder. There are naked old ladies walking around us, one of whom is asking about Baby T's outfit. I'm chatting with her. I lift up my shirt and undo my nursing bra. Baby T latches on, and drinks hungrily.

WHAT?!

This is the baby who never nurses anywhere but in his nursery in the dark because he is too easily distracted. I continue my conversation with the woman in the locker room as Baby T continues to nurse. Huh.

The rest of the day, Baby T continues to latch on without yelling at me (but of course I preempt all my nursing sessions with a medicine dropper squirt). But he pops off halfway through each session and arches away, refusing to come back. This newly independent and stubborn shaking of the head, cute as it is, is frustrating. But I keep my resolve. After he pops off, we play. I sneeze and cough for him. He loves that. We giggle together and play peekaboo. More giggling. This is alright. Maybe he ate more than I thought.

This continues throughout the day. Baby T nurses more often than usual, but keeps popping off mid-session. Baby T is exhausted though. The power goes out at 5PM, and we decide to put him down for a nap, thinking he will wake up at 6 and we can buy a few more hours out of him and go out to dinner.

Baby T sleeps for 9 and a half hours. He wakes up at 2:30 PM and I'm totally engorged. He nurses. He nurses wonderfully and hungrily and for a long time. I am so relieved. He wakes again at 5:30 and nurses, this time in bed. Sigh. Maybe this nursing strike is over.

Today
Baby T has already nursed three times after waking for the day. No medicine dropper in sight. The second time, he popped off halfway through, and I swaddled him and rocked him in the cocoon while he fell asleep. I have just returned from the third time. Again, when he was done, he was done. I don't know when he will ever fall asleep in my arms again. I don't see any more of these damn teeth than I did 5 days ago. They are taking a lot longer to come out than his bottom teeth did. I don't know if I should go to work tomorrow. I'm afraid for him to take a bottle again. In my mind, a nursing mother should not have to work full time. I wish this was the way society saw it as well. I hope all is well, but I really don't know.

Rejection

Never did I think that my boob loving little man would not love the boob. But we have hit a speedbump on the road of breastfeeding. My little man is having a love/hate relationship with the boob right now. I want to tell him, "Not now--there will be plenty of time for that love/hate stuff when you start having girlfriends" but he is growing up so fast. So he's starting early.

I have been away for a week or so for Thanksgiving. I had a great holiday visiting family. There is so much to be thankful for this year, having brought my beautiful son into the world. I have such a happy, healthy family. Baby T is able to be with his dad every day and doesn't have to be with strangers in daycare, his grandparents love him to pieces, and one set of grandparents lives close by. I really am very lucky.

But I am not thankful for the fact that babies can get sick! If only there was a rule that babies who can't talk or quite understand what is going on don't get sick. It is awful to watch your little one choking with mucus and unable to eat because he can't breathe. Even though I gave Baby T herbs before our Thanksgiving trip, he still got sick. Granted, it's not incredibly severe, but it is bad enough that he is--gasp--not nursing!

His favorite activity has been turned on its end either by me screwing with his routine, or by his being sick. It all started on our plane ride on Tuesday, on our way to my parents' house. He was starting to get cranky, and was so overtired, and we were about to land, so I figured he should nurse to avoid his ears getting clogged. I laid him down to nurse, and he screamed bloody murder! The poor people on the airplane. I have never seen Baby T cry so hard, even when he had a sitting mishap last week and fell over, bumping his head on the bedframe hard enough to get bruised and need ice. I thought maybe his ears hurt, and that nursing would definitely help, so I kept trying to put him onto the breast.

No dice. You would have thought I was hanging him by his toenails.

After that, the week progressed as normal, until Saturday morning. Again overtired and ready for a nap, I settled in the rocking chair in the dim room to nurse. FREAK OUT!! Baby T adamantly closed his lips and sharply drew away from the breast and proceeded to cry. For about 2 hours. Big T and I switched on and off bouncing, rocking, swadding, unswaddling, to no avail. Finally he calmed down after a bath, and starvingly reached for me as he said "mama" for the first time. Probably a coincindence, but I'll take it.

On the flight home that afternoon, Baby T nursed pretty well. He had a slight freak out but settled down quickly and nursed for the majority of the flight. Sunday went by without a hitch. Monday morning came, and when Baby T woke at 5:30, I really wanted to nurse him back to sleep. I was tired myself. I needed another hour. This was my first day back to work after a week off. Well, Baby T proceeded to scream until I pulled my shirt back down and got him into the living room. He had a doctor's appointment at 8:30, and I figured we'd try again after that. So come 10:30AM, Baby T is starving, but will. not. nurse. I ended up feeding him with a medicine dropper, with him starvingly opening his mouth for more. So he was hungry, but wouldn't suck. He had some issues with the bottle, too.

Phew, at least Mr. Gerber NUK is also feeling the rejection. Tougher than you could have imagined, huh, Mr. NUK? While little miss medicine dropper is happily rolling around in my baby's affection.

The past few days have been on and off with the nursing. When I get home from work, Baby T flings himself at me. The first day I came home from work, he buried his head in my chest immediately. It was so sweet. I carried him into the nursery while he pumped his fist in the sign for milk against my arm. (Not sure he knows what he is doing, but I am convinced he has finally picked up this sign, since I've been signing it every time he nurses since he was born). We sat down on our comfy chair, I lifted up my shirt, he bobbed at my breast, and proceeded to scream.

The rest of the evening involved a lot of toplessness, my wrap, the bath, Miss Medicine Dropper (damn you!) and milk all over my breasts. I assure you this is not as kinky as it sounds.

Eventually, dribbling milk on myself convinced Baby T to latch on, and he has nursed pretty well the past few days. But if he even catches sight of the medicine dropper out of the corner of his eye, he pulls off and tries to grab it and shove it in his mouth. So I have to be pretty stealth. Last night, when I came home from work, he practically sucked off my cheek and chin as soon as I picked him up. This morning, he didn't want any part of me or the medicine dropper (ha. take that.)

So it has been a long week. I have been so emotional. This is very draining. I love my cuddly quiet time with Baby T and always imagined that I could soothe him when sick by snuggling and nursing. But I'm only frustrating him half of the time, because he bobs at me and frantically pumps his fist, but then becomes upset when I offer him food. I am hoping he feels better soon and gets back to normal. I hear and read a lot of anecdotes where moms tell me that their babies weaned themselves at 5 months, 8 months, 10 months, etc: "I tried to nurse my baby one day and she just looked at me like, 'What on earth are you trying to do?'" But I don't believe that a baby under 12 months old would willingly try to wean himself. I have a feeling their baby wasn't feeling so hot and something was making nursing challenging. But then one of my friends said that I'll be laughing about this when I'm trying to wean him when he's 3. I sure hope so.