Here I Am!

Have you been wondering where I've been?

Me too, kind of.

1. I've been exhausted and sleep deprived because Baby T is now getting up about 5 times a night--way more than Little M.
2. I've been grieving the loss of my aunt a few weeks ago.
3. I've been trying to get used to my new routine. I pulled Baby T out of daycare, and he has been going to a preschool 2 days a week. That means I've been getting to spend a lot more time with him, which some days is sweet and precious and other days leaves me drooling on the couch at 8:30 p.m.
4. I've been organizing my office. In a perfect world, I would have organized it in a couple of days. In the real world, I'm going to be down to the wire the next two days.
5. I've been doing a lot of freelance writing. Last month, I pretty much freaked out about finances, and I lost all my creative energy. I can't function creatively if I feel like I'm not surviving in the material world.
6. I've been working on my business. When I had Little M and quit my job as a customer service manager, I wrote a post about how one of my favorite parts of working on Tmuffin has been all the connections I've made. I never expected that. And I've loved all of the blogging I've done and connections I've made throughout the past few years, and I had all this momentum going.

But then I realized that I wasn't necessarily doing what I truly, truly long to do. I started Tmuffin to create products for moms and their babies, and I've spent the last year writing, organizing, and planning. And parenting. But I have gotten sucked in to a lot of different places I didn't expect, and I've lost my voice a little bit. So I'm on a quest to start speaking in my own voice again.

I'm taking a break from the blog. I'll be here, but I'll be in and out. I'll be checking in on my bloggy friends, but I can't obsess as much as I was.

Stay tuned, though. I'm coming back. Full force. Focused. True. Inspired. And hopefully with a few more hours of sleep under my belt.

SUNDAY SURF: Organize your Home

I'm joining Authentic Parenting and Hobo Mama for Sunday Surf. Share your best reading of the week, and link up your post at either blog!
For more great reading, visit Hobo Mama or Authentic Parenting for the latest Sunday Surf and linky.
Happy Surfing!
I've been a little preoccupied with organizing this week because I'm doing the 29 Day Organizational Challenge at Orgjunkie.com. So I've been digging around for unique organizing ideas. I didn't think I did much of anything else, but apparently I did. Here's my favorite reading of the week.

Organizing/DIY Home Decor Ideas
Dressers Make Excellent Storage Containers -  I'm more of a bookcase person myself, but dressers make sense because they hide clutter. Plus, you can customize them with your own hardware. Hmmm.... something to think about...

DIY Clipboards Out of IKEA Panels - Too bad I don't have an IKEA near me. I love the idea of clipping photos and other inspiration to clipboards instead of keeping static frames. My tastes change often, and I get bored with what's on my walls. This is an easy way to switch it out.

Life
Manifesting Lessons - Rachel at Clean talks about the law of attraction. I have always had amazing experiences with this. It's what led me to believe that energy is tangible, and when you put your energy out into the universe, other energy comes to meet it. Rachel talks about how just focusing on what you want can lead to positive results. This has always been the case for me. I went through a spell where I didn't paint or create art for 2 years. I was in a rut, and I was uninspired. As soon as I began creating again, I began getting random emails from people who found my art on sites I had put it on years before. They told me how amazing my art was. Other people reached out to me and asked to buy my work. I wasn't even actively doing anything; I was just thinking about my art. This is an amazing concept and really emphasizes to me that we are so much more than our material world. Read it. Practice it. Enjoy it.

Quick Tips - How to use less conditioner, ways to reuse plastic storage bags, and how to (not) clean up cheerio crumbs. It's the little things that help us find our groove as moms every day!

Love is in the Air, Keeping the Spark Alive - Stylin Momma gives a really good tip: After a long day with the kids, take some time for yourself, and then find time to reconnect. If I had an hour of alone time, I would be glad to give it up!

Poop? What Poop? - Yes, poop is a big part of my life right now. This article describes how Osocozy Bioliners changed my life. I swear, I don't work for the company and I'm not compensated by Osocozy. This explains how much I am addicted to Bioliners for cloth diapering a solid-eating toddler though.

Breastfeeding and Birth
Breastfeeding as Birth Control Clarified - This article by Marah at Happiness Redefined clarifies how effective breastfeeding is for birth control. Basically, the more often you breastfeed and the more time you spend with your baby, the more effective it is. But every woman varies, and the list sounds exhausting, even for the most attached mama.

Nipple Stimulation for Labor - One of the students who recently attended a Tmuffin childbirth education class was asking about ways to encourage her baby to come out. Since I don't think standing outside her vagina with a dog biscuit would work, I gave her the link to the website. Nipple stimulation for labor releases oxytocin, which can help bring on contractions. If her body is ready, maybe it will give her that extra "push."

Pins of the Week:

Squirrel Sorting Activity Source: toadallytots.blogspot.com	Art Armoire Source: theembellishednest.wordpress.com	Flaxseed Pillow Source: etsy.com
DIY Mason Jar Labels Source: thepaintedhive.blogspot.com	File Cabinet Upgrade Source: salvagelove.net	Art Supply Shelves Source: apartmenttherapy.com

Tmuffin in 2012

 I'm not a big New Year's resolution person. That's probably because I tend to make resolutions all year long, and then time passes, life happens, and I forget all about them. I don't want the added pressure of making resolutions I might not keep and feeling guilty all year. And I don't tend to like doing what everyone else is doing. ("Why am I blogging then?" you wonder. I know, right?)

My last photo of 2011

This year feels different. Instead of feeling like I have to break out on my own to prove myself, I've become enveloped in this community where everyone is feeding off of everyone else. It's like college, only with fewer vices. And my all-nighters aren't self-inflicted. The past few years have only been getting more meaningful, and this year feels like it's going to be the apex. Things are going to happen. I'm going to make them happen.

And things don't happen without goals. So here we go: My resolutions for 2012.

Be more honest in my blog - I tend to want to write content that people want to read, and I'm also a bit of a know-it-all. So I often write blog posts that make it sound like I have the answers. I've mentioned before that I don't have the answers. In case you were confused. I'm learning as I go along, and I often have no idea what I'm doing. Sometimes I do feel like an expert on a given topic. (I told you, I'm kind of a know-it-all). But sometimes I don't. I'm going to remind you guys of that more often this year.

Start exercising again - How cliche. I am so bad at finding the time to exercise. I don't prioritize it at all, but I need to. It can add years to my life. Right now, I feel like I want more time with my kids and Big T. I might change my mind when I'm 105. But I need to get my weight and my health back under control. I've also started menu planning in an effort to spend less money and eat more whole foods. I write about my menu plans every Monday, so check back for great recipes and menu planning tips and ideas.

Promote my business - I've been trying to build the Tmuffin brand for two years now. In 2011, I quit my full-time job to take care of the kids and work on my business. I've done a lot of setup and a lot of planning, but when people ask what I do for a living, I still stumble on my reply: "Um, I do a lot of stuff. To help moms. I make things, I teach classes..." I usually trail off. This is my new reply: "I run Tmuffin, a business that helps moms find their groove."

Make more art - I tell people I'm an artist, but I have spent the past year focusing on blogging and initiating my business that I've put off actually making things. This year, I need to be making a lot more art. I'll be making coloring sheets and printables, as well as educational and sensory toys for kids out of things like repurposed sweaters. I have an itch to create, and this year I have to scratch it.

Listen more and talk less - Shut up; I know what you're thinking. Especially if you know me in person. But this year is about learning, listening, and making connections. I often fail to make a true connection with people because I'm too busy talking and sharing. And I appreciate so much what other people have to share. This year I'm the one who is going to shut up.


Get more organized - I cringe as I write those very words. I am not organized. I spend as much time looking for things as I spend doing them. I try to get organized and I always fall back into my messy ways. I don't like taking time to organize or to put things away. I move from project to project, stuffing things into drawers and flinging supplies around the room. You think I'm exaggerating. I'm not.

The house is stuffed to the gills and I drive myself crazy going into four different rooms looking for the diaper cream. I'm tired of having to come up with five options every time Big T asks me to find something. I'm not one of those people who always misplaces their car keys. I just always misplace everything else.

I am going to start by having a place for everything. I want to treat my space like a blind person does, so I can just reach for something and know it's always there. If I can organize my space, I feel like I will feel so much less overwhelmed. I also need to organize my time. I made a huge dry-erase to-do list the other day, and I'm determined to use it. (Ignore the two tasks on there from Thursday that I haven't done yet). I just have to organize my time as well as my space. Maybe get on Facebook a little less or something.


Be more present and mindful with my family - Probably due to my lack of organization, I tend to always be doing 10 things at once. I often find myself getting frustrated with the kids because I can't finish a particular task that I'm working on (or several) because someone woke up early from a nap or didn't sit down to lunch. When I'm with the kids, they need to be my number one priority. They notice when my mind is all over the place, and no one benefits when I tell them "just a minute" five thousand times. Baby T is starting to notice. He now tells me "just a minute," or he tells me, "Mom! You forgot my juice!" And I do. I forget a lot of things. I need to focus, and that includes focusing more on my kids and Big T.

And that's the end of my resolution list. I'm not going to go crazy with it. This is enough for now. I can tell you right now the hardest things are going to be exercising and organizing. I should have added "hire a personal trainer and an assistant" to the list of resolutions. Oh, well. There is always next year.

Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter in the sidebar to the right so you don't miss out on any of the cool stuff I'll have for you this year!

A Holiday Wish

This post is part of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop hosted by Life with Levi, and co-hosted by The Slacker Mom, and Diary of a Devil Dog Wife. Visit the links below and link up your own story or leave a comment!

Last week's topic was breaking the rules. This week's is about passing the torch. What does passing the torch mean to you when it comes to breastfeeding?

The Power of Positive Thinking

I don't always write about all that's on my mind in this blog, although my mind is constantly swirling with content. I try to organize that content into meaningful information when I write my blog posts.That limits me sometimes. I end up omitting some of the emotions I'm feeling, or I forget to touch upon a particular viewpoint. I didn't post much the week of Thanksgiving because I was stressed, overwhelmed, and couldn't put together a coherent thought. I often neglect to post because of that.

Or because, like today, I don't have any pictures to head up the post. And what fun is reading without pictures, right?

Well, I'm going to break out of that habit, because when I feel like writing, well--I need to write.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY: Captivated by Cattails

Last week, Baby T and I were playing outside in the late afternoon when he spotted our neighbor playing with her friend near a drainage ditch. Of course, he had to find out what the kids were doing. It turns out they were plucking apart the cattails that grow in the ditch, floating them into the air in a feathery, winter-like dance. It was magical.

Baby T thought so too.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY: Quiet Book Ideas

For the past few months, I've been working on making a cloth quiet book for my 14-month-old nephew. A quiet book is like a cloth activity book that is interactive, so it keeps kids busy (and quiet). I had made one for Baby T, and I made one for my other 2 nephews last Christmas. I love making these, but it takes a lot of energy. I have to pull out a lot of little materials, the iron and ironing board, rulers, pencils, cutters and cutting mats, and it can be a lot to manage with a couple of ragamuffins running around.

I went back and forth a few times thinking I was not going to be able to finish this for my nephew, but I did. I mailed it on Monday, and I thought I would share some of the pages. I really only had time to make the cover (which includes the outer front and back pages and the inner front and back pages) but I can make additional pages at will and add them in as I have time. Hopefully I will get to add more pages in this lifetime!

What makes my quiet books different than many you see out there is that I use fabric scraps from clothing, sweaters, blankets, and pieces from my other projects. A lot of quiet books are made from felt. Using felt is easy; why would I go the easy route?! Nope, I make it a lot harder on myself by using fabric (some that frays), interfacing, and the almighty zig zag stitch.

Behold:

INSPIRATION THURSDAY: A WAHM Business Plan

For today’s Inspiration Thursday, I wanted to share my recent thoughts about my business. When I quit my job in May, it was partly because I knew that I couldn’t go back to work for someone else full time and still have inspiration, patience, and tenderness to be a good mom. After expending all of your mental energy in a job that you’re not passionate about, it’s hard to come up with activities for the kids, keep up the garden, and do laundry. You just want to sit around and do nothing.

And sitting around doing nothing is not good for me. The two of us don’t go together well.

Inspiration Thursday - Learning by Example

As you know, I have struggled with just about everything that comes along with motherhood. I am constantly questioning whether I’m doing it right, and whether the way I’m acting now is going to lead my kids to be psycho serial killers when they’re older. When I was dealing with Baby T waking every 20 minutes at night at six months old, I read Marc Weissbluth’s “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” And I closed it when I read that a baby who doesn’t sleep X hours a night will result in a bratty, obese kid. I thought that was a little much.

And I was also a little scared. Baby T never slept as long as all the charts recommended. And I wasn’t as consistent as the experts suggested. And I was afraid I’d be nursing him and rocking him to sleep until he was in college. And then one day I laid Baby T down after he didn’t fall asleep nursing, and he went to sleep without a peep. And I looked back and thought, In hindsight, I did everything right.

Fast forward to issues with discipline. I have wavered back and forth from feeling like I’m not setting enough guidelines for Baby T to feeling like all I do is tell him what he can’t do, even though I try not to. I was recently really insecure about how I was handling his neediness and his tantrums.

And then I went to Asheville last weekend to meet a bunch of women who I’ve known for a long time. We met in the TTC forums on Mothering.com when we were all trying to conceive our babies. Now our babies are all two years old, give or take a couple of months. It’s amazing to think that I’ve known these women through some of the most important parts of my life.

I know more about them than most people I am acquainted with in real life, and they know more about me. I have always shared my fears, insecurities, and triumphs with them. And I respect just about everything they do.

It was so inspiring to spend the weekend with them. One of the reasons why is because I got to see how different everyone was, and how similar we all were at the same time. We all have similar goals for our children: we stress gentle discipline and natural parenting.

But our kids our very different. Namely, my kid. Baby T was by far the craziest kid there. He was whinier, tantrummier, and louder than the other kids. And I was noticing something: even though I try not to say “no” to Baby T a lot, Big T and I had fallen into the habit of saying “no” to a lot of things that weren’t important. And my friends were more “go with the flow” kind of parents.

When Baby T wants to paint, sometimes I say “no” because I don’t feel like pulling out the paints and paper. When we were at the grocery store just to pick up one thing and he wanted to go in the shopping cart that looked like a car, we started to say “no,” because it would take longer. When he started to whine and yell about it, we realized that it wouldn’t hurt anyone to let him ride in the cart. Yes, he likes to grab things off the shelves and get in and out of the cart every time we stop. Yes, it would take a little bit longer than just running in while holding him. But would it prevent a tantrum? Yes. Into the cart he went.

It’s easy to get used to a particular way of thinking or acting when parenting, and it can be a vicious cycle. Stepping back every once in a while to reassess the situation, your child, and your actions can be a big help. Of course, it doesn’t hurt to have inspiring role models around you.

Baby T hasn’t thrown a tantrum in a while. He has been much more agreeable since last weekend. And Big T and I have been going with the flow a little more. Thanks to all of those parents who continually inspire me to step back and reassess my parenting, making me a better mother.

What inspires you? 
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UNEXPECTED GRATITUDE

When I opened up my feed reader this morning, the first post I stumbled upon was Amanda at Take the Metro’s gratitude post. I read it and thought how nice it is to take the time to express your gratitude, then went on to read the next post in my reader. And it was by my friend at reminders2bepresent about keeping a gratitude journal.

Initially, I wasn’t going to join in the gratitude-giving (at least not publicly—my heart is constantly surging with gratitude), but I felt like this was a sign. So here goes:

INSPIRATION THURSDAY: Getting Back in Shape

I’ve been inspired lately to get back in shape. I wish I could say that I love what babies have done to my body, and I’m in awe of what my body could do. I mean, I do, and I am. But I don’t so much have extra pregnancy weight as extra weight. My pregnancies caused me to become a super sugarholic, and that has not boded well for my body. My boobs are giant not because of breastfeeding, but because of the extra layer of fat underneath. When I curl up on the couch, there is some skin oozing up over my muffin top that I can feel with my hand and convince myself is not mine. My body doesn’t feel like my own anymore and I need to do something about it.

I have always exercised somewhat throughout my life. In high school, I would come home after school and do workout videos. Sometimes I would run. In college, I walked everywhere and ate very little, so I stayed thin. I remember weighing 99 pounds my freshman year of high school and being upset when I hit triple digits. Then, in my senior year of college, I “ballooned” from weighing 115 to 128. I felt huge. Ha! If only.

INSPIRATION THURSDAY: A MOMENT OF CALM

I first met Liz at an Earth Day celebration where she had a booth. I brought my wool soakers to show her, because we had talked on the phone, and she had expressed an interest in consigning them at the shop. When we started chatting, she was so welcoming. We chitchatted about babies, diapers, and cool art (the booth next to her was selling some awesome jewelry). I was struck by how calm and collected she was on that hot, busy day. She had recently had a baby, and didn’t seem frazzled at all, the way I would be in her position.

We kept in touch. I would stop by the shop periodically. We would talk about baby sleep, breastfeeding, and diapering tips. Every time I hung out with her, I noticed how she was just so calm. She always had a smile on her face, never had a bad thing to say about anyone, and just seemed so put together.

She was trying hard to run a business, take care of her family, and raise her son gently and naturally. During one of our first conversations, she mentioned how she was struggling with breastfeeding and hoped to make it to six months. (She’s still nursing her toddler now). She was struggling with letting her son cry it out for naps, because she wasn’t getting much sleep. Again, she had just opened her business. She brought her son to work with her every day and still managed to brush her hair and look cute every morning.

INSPIRATION THURSDAY - A Renaissance Soul

I’ve been working nonstop for the past few weeks—between 12-hour nursing sessions and attempts to exercise that are foiled by wildfire-smoke-filled air—and I was clicking between my four email accounts today with my left pinky because Little M wouldn’t nap unless he was on the boob. Surprise surprise. And Wimbledon was on, so I couldn’t veg in front of Dr. Phil (I know, I know, but it’s like watching a train wreck. I like to turn it on and cringe when there’s absolutely nothing else to do). And I only have four TV channels since they took away my Bravo (all you people who don’t have cable, you know what I mean. ANNOYING!)

So anyway. I was clicking around in my email, and came across BlacksburgBelle.com. I found the website because an adorable onesie caught my eye in the email, so I clicked onto SoRad’s website, then I noticed that there was a blog post about marketing, so I clicked on that, and I found this girl’s website.

I started reading her blog. And I came across this post.

And I started thinking, “Who is this girl?” This post. Is. Me. Exactly. I think April Bowles-Olin is my doppelganger.

INSPIRATION THURSDAY: AN ARTIST AND MOTHER

I'm a little late in posting my Inspiration Thursday post, but who's keeping track?

While researching children's illustrators last week, I came across Crystal Driedger. She's a mom to a toddler who is Baby T's age, as well as an artist. While I was checking out her website, I was struck by her amazing paintings that represent different aspects of motherhood:

This one is called "Sharing Sleep." I can certainly relate, since Little M is all about cosleeping these days.

"Becoming Mother." Need I say more?

"Fed With Love"

"Wearing Baby"

When I came across these, it was almost like looking at a snippet of my own life in pictures. I contacted Crystal to ask about her illustration, her life as a mom, and her inspiration.

This is what she said:

"Mostly, I'm a stay-at-home mom these days. I find time here and there, in between naps, to fit in work as an illustrator, but it's not my focus, and I no longer consider myself a working mom. I have no regrets for this hiatus from my full-time working woman status. I still get to sit down at my easel, at least once a week, and draw or paint. Making time for myself, or even for a client, to create, is therapeutic, calming and wonderful.


It's been a wonderful change of pace and a wonderful change of expectations. Before I became a mother, I fully expected to be able to continue almost as vigorously in my career, regardless of who was crawling around my feet, but becoming a mother has opened my eyes to what my true priorities are. I don't mind being a penny pincher and I'm creative in finding ways to make one salary work with our entire family. I realize that I am truly blessed that my husband makes enough to support us and we are grateful every day for his hard work. My 2 year old and I have been enjoying life, exploring our world together and learning with each other. I'm happy when I get work, because I'm creating, but I'm equally happy when the work is handed in and the deadline has passed because the extra stress makes me a less patient mother.


I would highly recommend, if you are seriously considering working from home, a job like illustration. It's going to take a while to get trained in techniques if you're not already proficient in the software or with the different illustration mediums (acrylic paint, for example), but once you get over that hump, if working and staying at home are a priority, you can make it work. On a serious deadline, I could put in almost 25 hours of work a week, without outside help from a care provider, and make enough money to pay for extra things here and there. I'm not sure being a freelance illustrator is something that a single-parent should consider, because it has no stability, especially when you're first fishing for jobs, but it'd be a great place to start if you have another income to lean on. A graphic designer has more potential for a stable income,  there is more need for design work in the current market (think logos, magazines, fliers, business cards, etc), and you can always work your illustrations into any design work that you do. Going to school for this type of work is even more essential than if you want to become an illustrator.


I'm not a superstar illustrator at the moment and that moment will have to wait until my kids go to school, because right now, I'm in love with being a mom and my day-to-day activities with my son keep me as busy as I need to be. Life is great!"

Can you tell I dig this chick?

It's not just because of her bold, colorful style. It's because she recognizes her passions as well as her priorities. She is an artist at heart, and she recognizes how creating art is good for her soul. Yet she is even more inspired by motherhood and is a devoted mom. On her blog, she posts a monthly free coloring page that people can print out for their kids.

I'm inspired by the way she intertwines mothering and her art. It's something I'm striving for, too, and I feel like it's no coincidence that I found someone so much like myself during my first foray into this research. We mamas have to stick together!

PRIORITIES

Right now, I'm sitting in my living room on an exercise ball with Little M in the Didymos wrap on my chest. When I look to my left, I see a cookbook, a folder with my tax info, a used cloth napkin, and Baby T's dirty fork and knife on the kitchen table; a stack of mail and some crayons on the buffet behind the couch; a semi-balled up newspaper page that Baby T was playing with on the couch, next to my camera; some info from my credit card on the floor next to me because it fell but I don't want to disturb Little M by picking it up; a water glass that I'm currently drinking out of next to a glass, empty except for the melting ice mixing with the iced coffee from earlier. When I look to my right, I see a toy dump truck on the floor, a cloth diaper cover on the side table that needs to be put away, and Little M's pants on the floor that I took off when I changed him. There are cloth diapers in the washing machine that I have to move to the dryer, but Little M always wakes up when I bend over to switch the laundry, so it's staying for now. I'm not even going to tell you what I see if I turn around, and I consider my house relatively clean.

I've gotten a few things done today. I took this cute picture, which is why the camera is still on the couch:

I spent the morning writing for a couple of crowdsourcing companies that I work for. I had two tabs open and would work on one task while the task for the other company, in another tab, was uploading or downloading. I managed to work a path through the home office to get to the computer to email my CPA. Then I tripped on the cord from the computer as I left the room, knocking the laptop onto the shredder and making a bit of a mess.

I am in a constant state of overwhelming chaos. I can't control the clutter and I always have 20 things on my to-do list. If I even bother to write it down. And if I don't lose it in the black hole that is my purse.

I have tried to corral this chaos. I signed up for FlyLady dot com about a month ago. I shined my sink. I put away my dishes. Every day, all day. It's a constant cycle. That's about as far as I could get, and I had to put aside some of my money-making work just to do that.

This is what is on my to-do list:

• try to make $30-$50 a day on crowdsourcing websites
• work on a freelance writing job I already have
• work on a couple of book chapters for the Natural Parents Network's cloth diapering book contest
• go to couponing websites to see if there are any good grocery deals this week or next
• do some meal planning for the week
• prepare a course outline for childbirth education classes
• work on a watercolor portrait painting I was commissioned to do
• create and launch a website for my portraits
• sew some slings
• sew some soakers
• meet with a friend about teaching babywearing classes
• organize and price items for yard sale this weekend
• put together the boys' Easter baskets
• start a breast milk stash for Little M; I keep planning to pump after he goes to bed, but have so much to do I forget
• exercise 10-15 minutes every day (not much, but it's a realistic start)
• take down our tornado shelter from Saturday:

And that is only the big stuff. It doesn't include switching the laundry, washing my OWN underwear, taking a shower, or figuring out what to do about Little M's Easter basket, because I completely forgot about him.

Oh yeah. And writing this blog post wasn't on my list, either.

This is my problem. I have a lot to do and don't know when to prioritize. It's all important, and sometimes it's hard to predict what should take precedence. Especially because when I work on those crowdsourcing websites doing writing and editing work, I just never know when there will be good work and when there won't. If there's a lot of high-paying work, I tend to focus on that and push everything else aside for a day when there is less work. That makes it hard to plan.

On top of it all, I have going back to work looming over my head. I have a month and a half left. At least during my loaded days, I have time to play with the kids, clean the house (at least a little) and get some necessary computer stuff done. And I feel busy now; if I go back to work, I won't even be able to do the little stuff. And I'll still want to do the big stuff.

I know moms do it all the time, but my question is: HOW [the F do you do it]? Big T has been sick and hasn't been sleeping, so I let him sleep in this morning while I got Baby T's lunch ready and took him to daycare. I did manage to have him clean up his toys before we left (i.e., he watched as I cleaned up his toys, meanwhile taking out 5 books from his bookshelf and throwing them on the floor). I also did clean the kitchen before I left so I wouldn't come home to a sticky mess.

But the last time I looked at the clock, it was 8:30, and I was thinking, "Cool. We'll totally get to day care before 9." And I got in the car at 8:56. It takes 20 minutes to get to day care. I was still in a white tank top with no bra on because Little M had been in the wrap all morning, and I hadn't combed my hair, brushed my teeth, or put on deoderant. At least I had the good sense to put my contacts in as soon as I woke up, before my day started.

So back to my question: If/when I go back to work, how am I going to do it without showing up completely disheveled, with a see-through shirt and no bra on? Am I honestly expected to also shower, put on makeup, and put together a business-casual outfit that's free of spitup, drool, or poo? The thought makes me want to vomit.

I can somewhat manage my days when I have the flexibility to build my own schedule. But there is no way I can get to work by 9. There is just no freaking way.

How do moms do it? Where do I start? Can I really put quality time into my two kids, work, and my extracurricular activities?

I guess this is just a big old whinefest. I don't really expect answers. Pleeeeeuuz don't tell me to go to FlyLady dot com, because that just takes way too much time. But if you feel like sending a vote of confidence, a million dollars, or a maid my way, I won't complain.

THOSE MAGICAL MOMENTS

There are those moments in life that are so nostalgic that when you think back upon them they make you smile and tear up at the same time. In those moments, there is no future and there is no past, and you are contentedly nuzzled in the present. When you remember those moments, you’re filled with magic, and you get a knot in your gut knowing that you can never have them back, but you are fulfilled knowing that you were lucky to have experienced them.

• Waking up on Christmas morning at 9 years old, and running down the stairs with your sisters, delighted at the presents lined up by the fireplace.

• Playing hide and go seek at 10 years old, alone with your thoughts in your hiding spot, your heart pumping at the thought of being discovered, and your mind clear in this moment to yourself.

• The last day of school, when the sun is out, there is a fresh breeze, and you and your friends are scattering out the door with the entire summer ahead of you, knowing that tomorrow you will sleep late, run in the grass, and swim in the lake.

• Your first time traveling around Europe without your parents, awestruck at the world that’s right at your fingertips.

• Waking up in your tent on a camping trip in the spring, with the warm cocoon of your sleeping bag nestled against your body, the sun on the horizon and the smell of campfire lingering in the atmosphere, and a fresh chill in the air that cleanses your soul with one breath.

• Your first road trip—a car packed to the brim, a map in your hands, wind in your hair, songs, laughter, and aimless chatter for miles and miles, hours and hours.

• Moving into your new house. Nothing on the walls, no dust in the corners, fixtures sparkling. A blank canvas that is all yours on which to make your mark.

• Waking up after your first night with your first baby, exhausted, but filled with new life, marveling at the little person you helped create—you just can’t get enough of him—sun streaming into the room, a quiet retreat from the world where you could stay forever, just the three of you.

Making a Quiet Book

Before our trip to Punta Cana, I knew I wanted to make Baby T a quiet book to keep him busy on the plane. A quiet book is a soft activity book made of fabric. The possibilities are endless. You can make lift-the-flap pages, pages with buttons, snaps, zippers, buckles and shoelaces, pages where you match shapes, etc. I had been meaning to make one for quite some time.

But of course, I started the Saturday before our trip. It took me a week to make these 8 pages. I worked every night until midnight or so. Nothing like a little procrastination to get me going!

The book is held together with ribbons, and more pages can be added as I make them. It definitely kept Baby T occupied on the plane ride, and I love looking at it myself! Knowing I can make something this special for my baby and keep adding to it with developmentally appropriate pages as he gets older is amazing. This is something he will hopefully be able to pass down to his children.

Getting Off My Butt

Finding time from the whirlwind of life with baby

I have had years to get off my butt and do something. Thirty-one, to be exact. Well, I did a lot up to about age 13. I would take out books about different crafts from the library and come home, perusing them in bed on Saturday mornings, dreaming about the toilet paper roll dolls and clothespin characters I would make. I sewed my first outfit when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old. Actually, all I sewed was the button on the back of the skirt and on the vest. I think I glued the gingham ribbon to the flowered skirt. And you might have been able to see my butt from the back. But check out the trendy mixing of patterns:

I woke up early on Saturday mornings to make pancakes for my family, made friendship bracelets in the porch on hot summer days, and coveted a pottery wheel for Christmas when I was 9. My favorite gifts to receive were the ones that included a project of some kind: a kit of embroider-it-yourself Christmas stockings, DIY ornaments, jewelry making kits, etc. I loved to sit and draw. I even submitted my work to those art education schools from the back of magazines (where you copy the drawing of the cartoon turtle).

Then I hit high school age. I was so busy with schoolwork, friends, and theater that I didn't have time for making things anymore. I thought I'd be able to do more once I was in college and had more time to myself. Then I got to college. Between my sociology classes analyzing the effects of social movements, Phish shows and Indigo Girls concerts, and all night talks about the intensity of art with my roommates, man was I inspired. I had ideas jammed in my brain. But I didn't have time to make anything. I thought one day I could travel the U.S. in a van, making things and selling them along the road. THEN I would have more time to make everything I wanted to make. And so I graduated, joined the rat race, turned 30, and had a baby. I would CERTAINLY have time during my maternity leave to make everything I wanted to make!

Nope.

So here I am, 31 years old, with my almost-5-month-old baby T, up at all hours of the night, working full time, with my free time taken up doing public relations for a nonprofit group. And all of a sudden I have found the time to make everything I wanted to make. I made the most important thing: a family. And now I am flooded with inspiration, motivation, and most of all, a desire to support my family doing what I love. And so the saga begins.