Whiny

I've been complaining a lot lately. Mostly about sleep. And I realized that if I were to actually listen to myself, I would probably roll my eyes at myself. My situation is pretty great. My kids go to bed at 7 P.M. There is some hemming and hawing, but they are asleep by 8. They still usually nap. Hell, Baby T is in daycare all day three days a week. I can sleep when Little M sleeps if I want to. I have time to get things done for myself, even if I choose not to.

Then I realized that if I were to listen to someone else complain this way, I might roll my eyes at them. Inwardly, of course. So I'm sorry I've been complaining about a pretty great life.

But as parents, most of us have one thing. The thing we don't waver on. The thing we do unfailingly no matter what. I posted a little about my thing the other day. For me, that thing is breastfeeding. I knew I was going to breastfeed my kids. I never minded being stuck to the couch for 40 minutes at a time, every hour on the hour. I never considered the fact that sometimes only I could soothe my crying child a hindrance. It never bothered me that it was me getting up with the baby at night or me doing bedtime because it was just the way it turned out, since I was the one nursing. You see, for me, breastfeeding was never challenging, because I knew that I would do it no matter how challenging it actually was, so I took away the drama.

Sleep, on the other hand, was a different story. I didn't know what to expect, so I didn't have any expectations. I tend to agree with attachment parenting ideals, but I also turn into a total freak if I'm sleep-deprived and exhausted. I always said I wouldn't support the cry-it-out mentality, but it wasn't my thing. So when it comes to sleep, it is all about drama. It is such a challenge. I've succumbed to letting my kids cry in their cribs at one point or another when the only other option would have been throwing them out the window.

After my kids turned one, I found dealing with bedtimes and nighttime wakeups annoying, even infuriating at times. I recently had a friend tell me that it's so much harder for her to hear her 13-month-old daughter cry for any amount of time in her crib now than it was when her daughter was just a baby. I felt the opposite way. I feel like babies don't have any way of communicating and don't understand why no one is responding to their needs if you let them cry, but when my toddler screams from his crib, "Mom! I need you!" it doesn't break my heart; it only sounds like manipulative whining to me.

So when Baby T changed from that kid who asks to go to bed, lies down, pulls up the blankets, says goodnight and sleeps through the night to that kid who climbs out of his crib, appears next to the bed at midnight sucking on his paci Maggie-Simpson-style, and wakes up at 4 A.M. turning all the lights on, it was practically an earth-shattering event in my house.

But it's all about perspective. I keep asking my sister how she managed it with two kids in a New York apartment. Her kids share a room. Her kids have shared a room since her second child was about three months old. When I ask my sister how she did it,she just shrugs her shoulders and says that it just worked out. But sleep is her thing out of necessity. She didn't have another place to put her second child. She always knew her kids would share a room, and there wasn't another option. She never complained about one waking the other up or the challenges that come about from a baby sharing a room with his three-year-old brother.

And I realized...the way to release the drama from motherhood is to make everything your thing. To do that, you must:

• Get rid of all expectations
• Live in the moment
• Address each action as it occurs; don't expect it to happen again, but don't expect it to never happen again either.
• Don't obsessively picture what your future will be like if you act a certain way today. 
• Remember: tomorrow is another day.
• Imagine the moment you first held your child in your arms.
• Imagine the moment your child will grow taller than you, leave for college, or get married.
• Have a beer, relax with friends, and get some sleep now and then.

Sunday Surf

I'm joining Authentic Parenting and Hobo Mama for Sunday Surf. Share your best reading of the week, and link up your post at either blog!
For more great reading, visit Hobo Mama or Authentic Parenting for the latest Sunday Surf and linky.
Happy Surfing!

Crafts

Kid-Friendly Printmaking - Valerie of the Frugal Family Fun Blog uses foam stickers and a small paint roller to make some simple prints.

No-Mess Marbled Paint - Another quick project idea from the Frugal Family Fun blog. Unfortunately, all Baby T did was sprinkle glitter all over the house. He couldn't care less about actually playing with the bag of paint when we were done putting the ingredients in it.

Kids and Parenting

Mamatography Week 2 - Momma Jorje is taking a photo a day to capture her life in 2012. These candid photos capture her beautiful life with a preschooler and a newborn.

Bonding with Kids - A compilation of pictures at Natural Parents Network that shows all the different ways parents and caregivers snuggle, inspire, and connect with their kids.

Nope Nada Ixnay Negative Pass Decline - Zoie from TouchstoneZ experimented with only saying "yes" to her kids. Read about how it changed their attitudes and made her feel more connected to her family. I would love to try this in general. It's so funny how easily "no" slips from your lips and how difficult it is sometimes to say "yes."

Talking About Race with (White) Kids - Lauren at Hobo Mama explores how talking to kids about race (rather than pretending race differences don't exist) can help promote tolerance.

Birth

You Call That Prenatal "Care"? - Melissa of Vibrant Wanderings talks about the care--or lack of it--she has received so far in her pregnancy. From nurses who make uneducated comments and contradict themselves to processes that are in place that make you feel like a number as opposed to a patient, Melissa honestly shares her experience, which unfortunately happens all too often.

Recipes

Baby's First Birthday Cake - Little M celebrated his first birthday on January 19th, and I made him carrot cake cupcakes. Sweetened with carrots boiled in fruit juice and raisins, this healthy first birthday cake tastes great and has fiber, iron, and nutrients. Best of all--it looks like a cupcake!

A Healthy Snack for Nursing Mothers - Megan of The Other Baby Book shares a recipe for a melt-in-your-mouth snack that's easy to make and easy to grab as you're hungry and heading out the door.

Maple Cinnamon Swirl Bread - It's too bad I just polished off six caramelized banana and sweet potato pancakes, because I want to make this recipe shared by Abbie of Farmer's Daughter. It's almost too beautiful to eat!

Inspiration

This video of a talk by Simon Sinek describes how the most successful leaders became that way: by leading with the "why" rather than with the "what." In light of me working on my business, this really hit the right chord. I've known the "why" all along, and I've been refining that. The "what" is still coming, a little more slowly. But it helps to reiterate that I'm on the right track. A few months ago I wrote about how I feel like I've taken the meaningful path in life. I haven't rushed anything, and I'm grateful for all the experiences I've had along the way--experiences that have shaped who I am now and what my business will become. So anyway. This video is a must for anyone driven to lead and inspire.

Do you have IKEA furniture? I discovered a new website that shows you ways to embellish basic IKEA designs. So I've been poring over ways to make Baby T's new loft bed cooler, like making a castle bed. Maybe then he would actually sleep in it.

Perspective

This evening, one of my friends helped me put things in perspective. I've had a rough few days, and I'm surprisingly exhausted (for the first time since having kids, of course). I've been attempting to sleep in in the mornings (not happening), and I even fell asleep on the couch a few times this afternoon, only to get "boinked" in the nose by Baby T every 15 minutes.

When I was given the chance to get out of the house tonight, this was my response:

Gaby Merediz 6:38pm Jan 20 Ugh. I'm stuck home with the kids right now. Ty won't get home till around 7, and then we'll have to deal with Tieren waking up more often than his brother because he is a crazy toddler! Why didn't anyone tell me the toddler years would be ridiculously harder than the newborn years? Give me a newborn to stick on my boob in the middle of the night any time. Give me a toddler who constantly wakes up, turns on all the lights, wakes up his brother, and tosses and chatters in bed with us and I go nuts. So I can't leave Ty alone with that right now. Especially because there is also the one who needs to be stuck on the boob periodically. Grrrr.... and WTF. And Grrrr....

Gaby Merediz 6:39pm Jan 20 Oh yeah, but thank you for the invite! I will be there in spirit as I chug some beers here on my own!!

And here I am (you'll be reading this on Saturday, but I can assure you I am writing it on Friday night), one beer down, some receipts recorded, Baby T in the crib (yup, you read that right), Little M ruining his spine in the pack 'n play, Big T asleep (I told him I would be in bed 15 minutes ago, and I'm now just wasting time), and I'm going to be woken up sometime in the middle of the night by the boob sucker, and several times by the crib-sleeping wackadoo toddler, and then again in the morning by the boob sucker. And then the wackadoo toddler will wake up the boob sucker.

But back to my friend, who just emailed me and reminded me that soon enough Baby T will be driving Little M to soccer practice. Way to put things into perspective.

Reverse Cycling is a Meandering Road

This post was written as part of the weekly Breastfeeding Blog Hop hosted by Slacker Mom and cohosted by The Gnome’s Mom and Happiness Redefined. Visit the links below and link up your own story or leave a comment!

In last week's post, I wrote about tips for breastfeeding a toddler. This week's theme is reverse cycling.

When it comes to breastfeeding issues, if you've taken a class or read a book, you're likely to think that things are either going to go one way or another. Either your baby cluster feeds or he doesn't. Either you schedule your feedings or you don't. Either he nurses at fixed intervals during the day and night or he reverse cycles--he nurses less during the day (especially if you are working) and nurses more at night (especially if you cosleep).

The thing is, babies haven't taken that class or read that book. They do whatever they want to do. And what they do may not follow the textbooks or the general guidelines, which can leave you feeling confused and unsure of what to do.

I went back to work full time three months after giving birth to Baby T. I had an oversupply, so I was pumping 8 ounces at a time. Baby T would take a bottle, but he wasn't a guzzler. In fact, he would often only eat 2 ounces in one sitting. He would nurse well before going to sleep, and he would wake often, but he wasn't nursing all that much at night.

I started to worry that he wasn't getting enough calories. I was building up a huge stockpile in my freezer, I was pumping every three hours at work, but Baby T didn't seem to be eating. I would look at the 8-ounce bottles of breastmilk or formula that the other parents were dropping off for the kids in daycare, and I wondered when Baby T would graduate from his little 4-ounce Nuks. He never did.

Still, Baby T was gaining weight. He was consistently in the 90th percentile for weight. He was chubby and thriving and hitting all of his milestones on time.

I didn't feel like Baby T was attached to the boob when I was home. He didn't seem to be reverse cycling. But he wasn't attached to the bottle when I was away, either. Again, it was a lesson in just going with the flow. Baby T was healthy and thriving, and we were both happy. Even though he didn't eat solids until later than most babies, he still never drank more than 4 ounces of my milk at a time from a bottle. But I trusted that my body was giving him what he needed. Maybe he just nursed very efficiently. Maybe he nursed more during the weekends. I wasn't really sure, but I didn't really mind. Whatever was happening, it worked for us.

A Breastfeeding Year in Review

This post is part of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop hosted by Life with Levi, and co-hosted by The Slacker Mom, and Diary of a Devil Dog Wife. Visit the links below and link up your own story or leave a comment!

Last week's theme was about passing the torch. I wrote about my wish that mothers really embrace motherhood and breastfeeding and realize that they can truly accomplish anything in life. This week's theme is about milestones.

So many moms set breastfeeding milestones: They will breastfeed for six months, one year, two years... Like most things in life, I didn't have any plans when it came to breastfeeding. I just knew I was going to do it. Because of that, I didn't really have any expectations, either. I guess I expected it to feel natural and be easy. I expected my kids to nurse for about two years. I didn't expect to ever nurse two kids at a time or for breastfeeding to be such an emotional experience.

Nursing and working full time with Baby T was challenging at times. I had an oversupply and a forceful letdown. Baby T had terrible gas. He woke up every 20 minutes to nurse sometimes, and he went through a few nursing strikes when he was sick and teething.I had excess lipase in my breastmilk, and I had to scald all of the milk I pumped before storing it.

But this post isn't about my first year breastfeeding; it's about this past year.

In 2011, I:

• Nursed a brand-new baby--Little M was born!
• Coslept comfortably while nursing, getting much more sleep than I had with Baby T. (Even in the hospital, not cosleeping was never an option. I was just too tired to consider anything else. The nurses kept asking to put him back into his bassinet. They never asked me not to cosleep, but they acted as though it was strange for me not to want him in his bassinet.)
• Tandem nursed a toddler and a newborn.
• Nursed a toddler as much as if he was a newborn.
• Went through weaning my toddler. It was a roller coaster. I often questioned the decision to wean. I never thought that I would want to initiate the weaning process, but nursing a toddler and a newborn was challenging. Not nursing a toddler and nursing a newborn was challenging too.
• Dealt with a forceful letdown but no oversupply issues.
• Worked on improving Little M's poor latch for the first three months of his life. His mouth was small and he had a severe overbite, so he often lost suction when nursing unless I was holding my breast with my hand and squeezing it into a flat shape so it would fit in his mouth better.
• Dealt with (and am still dealing with) a baby biting while nursing. Little M is a little more precocious than Baby T was in that area, and he often bites when he doesn't feel like nursing or when he just wants to be playful. He usually only does it once, because my surprised reaction tends to startle him into stopping.
• Had a few moments when I questioned my supply. I trust my body to make the right amount of milk, and I know it does, but compared with the oversupply I had with Baby T, sometimes I felt like I barely had any milk for Little M. And Little M is much smaller than Baby T was... it's hard not to compare. Whenever I questioned my supply, I would nurse Little M more often.
• Spent a lot of time nursing in a wrap or sling.
• Nursed at a breastfeeding cafe put on by the Port City Breastfeeding Project every month.
• Became a childbirth educator and guided moms through the process of breastfeeding.

Little M will turn one next month, and his nursing is still going strong. He nurses at least five times a day and at least twice during the night. Some nights he latches on for an hour while we both sleep. I don't expect him to stop nursing any time soon, but he is a much more distracted nurser than Baby T ever was, and he eats a lot of solid food, so I am afraid that he will stop nursing sometime during this next year. Maybe I'll be ready for him to stop. I don't think so, but I really don't know.

That's the beauty of breastfeeding--because I never had any expectations, it's the one time in parenting that I'm more or less comfortable going with the flow. If only the coming years of parenting could be so easy.

Twas the Night Before Tmuffin's Christmas

The toy described in the poem. Which was awesome. Once it was put together.

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Every creature was stirring, probably even a mouse.
No stockings were hung, but we didn't care.
St. Nicholas was coming, and Baby T was scared.

And the Bedtime Saga Continues...

This is us. We're tired.

Last week, we were dealing with Baby T's transition out of the crib. It turns out it was no big deal. He is now sleeping happily in his mattress on the floor. There's just one problem. My toddler now has free will, and he knows it.

Maybe this is more of my problem than his. Maybe I liked the fact that I could keep him contained before. Maybe I liked being able to stay in bed until 6 A.M. without being woken up by a pitter-patter of feet and tiny little hands.

The Big Boy Bed

In my last post, I talked about how, when I sought support for breastfeeding, it was often just empathy that I wanted. I often act like I want answers, but I often just want to know that other people are going through the same things that I am. And I often act like I have answers, but I really don't. I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to mothering. In this blog, although I often try to post constructive content that sounds like I've found the answer, I really don't have any answers.

The Lazy Mom's Guide to Night Weaning

Oh, you thought this would give you the easy answers? Oops--Don't get all excited by the title. This isn't really a guide. I'm too lazy to figure it out.You all know that sleep is probably my biggest challenge as a mom. It’s not even the lack of sleep; I can function great somewhat normally on only a few hours of sleep, at least for a few days. It's the waking up right after I've fallen asleep. Being groggy and stumbling around in the middle of the night is not my forte. I'm cranky and I'm mean and I'm not all there.

That's if I have to get up.

If I can just roll around in bed, I'm great. It's snuggly and cuddly and I can just rest. It's when I have to stand upright that all hell breaks loose.

Sleep Training Part IV—The Data Behind the Philosophy

According to an article called “Sleep Disorders and Sleep Problems in Childhood,” written by C. Carolyn Thiedke, M.D., and published in American Family Physician, sleep behaviors are some of the most discussed concerns between parents and pediatricians. She makes a distinction between sleep disorders and sleep problems, however. Thiedke defines a sleep disorder as one “confirmed by reproducible findings in a sleep laboratory” and a sleep problem as “a sleep pattern that is unsatisfactory to the parents, child or physician.”

Sleep Training Part III – A Momentary Lapse of Reason

I’ve been talking about how I’m not really into sleep training, and I think it’s more important to be responsive to your baby than to establish a strict routine or let baby cry it out. And in my last post, I mentioned that I’m confident that Little M will eventually sleep through the night without having to resort to crying it out.

And I am.

But it’s easy to doubt myself, which is what I did the other night.

Sleep Training Part II – Then and Now

Baby T asleep on Big T's shoulder

Here’s my history with sleep and Baby T. You’ve probably heard it all before. He woke up often, especially between three and seven months. Sometimes he was waking every 20 minutes. I soothed him to sleep every time; I nursed him to sleep, rocked him to sleep, or wore him in a sling or a wrap to get him to sleep. Even in the middle of the night.

I read Elizabeth Pantley’s “No-Cry Sleep Solution,” and it made a lot of sense. There are people who say that it’s too complicated or it didn’t work for them. But I secretly think that the No-Cry Sleep Solution isn’t anything different than what you would do with a little common sense. It’s just a way to gradually (and she stresses gradually) wean your child off of being rocked, nursed, or worn to sleep. And eventually, they do gradually wean off of it.

But I was never alert enough at night to really try the steps in the “No-Cry Sleep Solution.” I just went back to the old standby: nursing, and if that didn’t get Baby T back to sleep, then rocking or babywearing did.

Sleep Training Part I - What's the Problem?

This is one of a four-part series of posts that explores sleep training. I'll talk about why pediatricians push for it, my own experiences with it, and I'll conclude with a post that pulls together facts from actual studies.

 At Little M’s six-month well visit, the nurse asked me all the typical questions:
“Has he started solids yet?”
“Yup, he’s had some.”
“How often is he nursing?”
“Oh, every three hours,” I lied. No point in actually trying to put a pattern on it.
“And does he take both breasts?”
“Not always.”
“How’s he sleeping?”
I laughed. “Terribly! He’s up every hour or so,” I said with a smile. It obviously wasn’t bothering me. My babies’ sleep is like my own inside joke at this point. I have never met anyone whose infants sleep worse.
“And is he sleeping in his crib?”
“Yup!” I lied again.

Fast forward. Doctor comes in. Checks out Little M. Everything looks good. Looks at the chart. “You know, six months is a great time to start sleep training.”

Sunday Surf: Food, Sleep, Cloth Diaper Covers, and Games for Kids

I've decided to go on the South Beach Diet. I always told myself those diets were silly, because diet should be about nutrition, calories, and portion control, but I'm having trouble with those three things. I got a craving for sweets with my first pregnancy, and it never went away. Now I'm addicted to sugar, and I have belly fat (which I never had before), dandruff, and other stomach woes. I really need to make a change. I have been exercising, but I need some more motivation because the scale isn't budging.

That's right--I nurse all day and night, chase a toddler, wear a baby 50% of the time, and I still weigh 170 pounds. That might be ok for some people, but it's not for me. I feel fat. I don't fit into my clothes and I look like I'm six months pregnant.

So I've been doing a lot of research about food and nutrition these days. It's funny how most diet advice is the same, though: cut back on sugar, non-nutritional grains (like wheat, corn, white flour, etc).

I've also been researching baby sleep for an upcoming blog post I'm doing, and I've found some great links. And then there's just the crafty stuff and the good information about activities you can do with your toddler. This is what I've come across this week:

Go Vegan: Create rather than Re-Create
We so often remember the comfort food of our childhood and feel like, "If only I could still eat {mac and cheese, bagels, lasagna} my diet would be successful." Then we try to recreate it, whether we try to make it vegan, fat free, or whatever. And it's nasty. And we are all disappointed, unsatisfied, and craving something unhealthy. If we try to work with fresh ingredients and stay away from processed food (even soy crumbles and veggie cheese), we'll end up making tastier, more satisfying meals.

Five South Beach Diet Phase One Breakfast Recipes
These are great breakfast recipes, even if you're not on a diet. Starting the day off with savory meals filled with protein and vegetables can really stave off cravings for carbs all day long.

Coconutty Paleo Fudge Recipe
The paleo diet is similar to South Beach: It's all about fresh food and limiting sugar and grains. I found this recipe, which looks amazing. I can't wait to try it in a couple of weeks (when I can add some sugar to my diet).

My Date with Dr. Ferber
We've all been awake in the middle of the night, nursing or rocking our babies to sleep, wondering if we're doing the right thing. We read the advice: don't soothe your baby to sleep. But how can you not? This article describes a woman at her wit's end with the whole sleep thing, who made an appointment with Dr. Ferber because she thought sleep training was her only option. And then time went on, and things naturally progressed, and she realized she didn't need sleep training: her kids were developing their own healthy sleep habits, and she realized they didn't need to be forced into them. It's refreshing to hear sleep stories from parents who are confident that they are doing the right thing by not letting their kids scream their heads off in the wee hours of the morning. Because there is so much information out there that makes you feel like a bad parent for soothing your baby when he or she wakes up.

Cloth Diaper Cover Tutorial with Gussets
I have a bunch of PUL and two kids who are in between sizes. I am either squeezing Little M into small diaper covers, which make him get heat rash, or putting him in the next size up, which means he pees all over his clothes. I need some better fitting diaper covers. Nothing fancy--I use prefolds, so I just want something waterproof to put over them. Sometimes I use wool, but I like waterproof PUL covers too. So I'm going to make them. According to this cloth diaper cover tutorial, it can't be that hard.

23 Gross Motor Games and Activities for Preschoolers
Dionna from Code Name: Mama put together a great article about games you can play with your preschooler that exercise their gross motor skills. Baby T loves games like these. He usually cracks up the whole time we play them. We play Ring around the Rosie already, and just yesterday, we started playing Red Light, Green Light (he loves to tell me when the light is green at stoplights anyway. Probably because I do too much texting at red lights.). Try some of these games with your kid. I'll bet you'll get some amazing toddler belly laughs.

Baby Burritos

How to swaddle your baby - a demonstration

No, this is not about the new Anne Geddes calendar. This is about how to swaddle your baby so that you don't walk into the room 25 minutes into his nap to find him smiling and waving at you, or kicking around in the crib with his swaddle blanket up around his neck.

Baby T has quite a history with the swaddle. When he was first born, he was content to lay in his little cocoon, wrapped up all nice and tight. He was so tiny, the hospital blanket went around and around, tucked in front... perfect. About a week after we brought him home, we thought it might be a little too hot to swaddle him, so he was free. For about a week. He was a gassy kid. He was constantly drawing up his legs while he slept, and it would wake him up. I decided that maybe he didn't need his arms swaddled, but I would certainly wrap that blanket tight around his legs. During this time, our main form of amusement was watching his moro reflex as he fell asleep and threw his arms out wide over and over again.  Then we decided it was about time we actually got some sleep. Goodbye late night laugh fest, hello Taco Bell. We wrapped up our baby like a little burrito and we were all able to get some sleep.

Until about a month later, when Baby T began to get bigger and stronger. The hospital blanket didn't wrap all the way around him anymore, and I certainly couldn't tuck it in the front. He was so squirmy that his weight didn't hold the end down in the back, and he was constantly wriggling free. Off to the Amazon to get myself some bigger swaddle blankets. (Amazon.com, that is.) I ordered a pack of Aden and Anais muslin blankets, which are 3? 4? feet square. That was the ticket. For about another month.

Then, we would walk into the room when Baby T was supposed to be sleeping, and he'd be smiling and waving. Or hitting himself incessantly in the face. Or flailing all 4 limbs while his face was covered by the entire 16 square feet of the blanket. It was time for more drastic measures.

We tried the swaddle method in The Happiest Baby on the Block, but that totally didn't work for us. Plus, Baby T was getting longer, so we couldn't really wrap up the end of the swaddle blanket anymore. A friend told me about her Super Straitjacket Swaddle method, and it totally clicked with me. One of the older nurses in the hospital had used 2 hospital blankets to do something similar. This method is obviously tried and true. The best thing about it is you can finally put your receiving blankets to good use, since they were too small for anything but a burp cloth once your baby hit 10 pounds. There were VERY few times that Baby T managed to get himself out of this one. In fact, once he started rolling over, he would do it in the swaddle, and then get stuck facedown, unable to move his arms, and unable to roll back over. (This was when we stopped swaddling at night). But little Mr. NoNap still needs to be swaddled at naptime. He is quite the active little fellow, so these swaddling methods are invaluable to us now.

Here's a demonstration of the Super Straitjacket Swaddle:

Big T was not a fan of the Super Straitjacket Swaddle, though. He thought it was mean. But he was an expert swaddler, so he had his own method. I could not figure out how he did it. I would watch him carefully each time and try to replicate his method, failing miserably. Then I finally figured out what was different. On the first pass under the body, Big T was picking up Baby T's legs and passing the blanket underneath. I was picking up his upper body, because I thought picking up his legs looked like it would put strain on his neck. Apparently this made all the difference. Don't ask me why. I am now an expert swaddler as well.

Here is a demonstration of Big T's Super Swaddle: