Doing it on Purpose

So 2012 has begun pretty tumultuously. I've been absent for a while. From my blog, sometimes from motherhood, sometimes from my partnership with Big T, and sometimes from my friendships.

I've been dealing with a death (not mine), a divorce (not mine), a wedding (mine--Yay!), a car accident (mine), a new business property (mine), and a possible home move (mine). It's a lot, and I haven't had the time or the mental and emotional capacity to sit down in front of the computer and share it with you.

But I also have made some wonderful connections through this blog, and I don't want to lose them. I appreciate all of my followers, and I feel very disconnected without having been following you guys in the past few months.

Part of the reason I haven't blogged recently is also because I had a huge realization this year: I'm not a blogger.

Let me explain. I love blogging, I love writing, and I love connecting. Most of all, I love sharing. I like to talk. Once you get me talking, I don't really stop. So that's what was happening with this blog, and I was talking about motherhood, talking about breastfeeding, talking about the activities I would love to do with my kids, talking about organizing my life, and talking about my business. But I wasn't actually doing anything. 

I hit a major turning point in February, when I realized I was going to have trouble paying my bills that month. And that's when I realized: I'm supposed to be running a business here. Tmuffin is my passion, but I was turning into a hobby. It had been just about one year since I had quit my full-time office job to try out my WAHM opportunities, and my company hadn't grown. I've been doing really well with my online freelancing and crowdsourcing work, but I haven't been focusing on my true passion: giving moms all the stuff I felt wasn't available when I was looking for it.

So I'm repurposing this blog. I'm repurposing Tmuffin. You could also say I'm repurposing motherhood.

There is some good stuff coming. (I know I've been promising that. Just so you know, when I promise a deadline, it usually takes 3 times as long as I originally planned.) So please stay tuned. I haven't forgotten about all of you. I'm working to make Tmuffin a really useful resource for all of you, not just a fun click through on your way to bigger and better things. In fact, Tmuffin is on its way to bigger and better things. If you sign up for the Tmuffin newsletter, you won't miss the big stuff when it happens. And it's happening.

Sunday Surf: A Little Reminder

I'm joining Authentic Parenting and Hobo Mama for Sunday Surf. Share your best reading of the week, and link up your post at either blog!
For more great reading, visit Hobo Mama or Authentic Parenting for the latest Sunday Surf and linky.
Happy Surfing!

This week, I didn't really read that much. I don't know where I was, but I wasn't on the computer all that often. That's probably a good thing. I'm going to be on the computer even less this coming week. Remember how I told you how one of my New Year's Resolutions was to promote my business and make more art? Well, it's more than that. It's about really establishing Tmuffin's identity.

Tmuffin is getting reinspired. It's kind of like how I got reinspired as a mama. When Baby T was born, I read everything I could about sleep, gentle discipline, baby-led weaning...and I lost my motherly instinct. I lost who I was as a mama. And I've been a little addicted to the internet lately, which inspires me, but also makes me lose some of the natural inspiration that bubbles up inside of me and makes Tmuffin what it is.

So I'm not going to be around as much this week as I reinspire my inspiration. I've lined up my posts, but I might not be commenting as much. I just need to look inside myself for a little while.

But I'll leave you with some of my inspiration from last week:

Recipes
Homemade Oreos - I was totally craving oreos the other day. Big T found a recipe for a shot called an Oreo that included Bailey's, Kahlua, Creme de Cacao and Vodka. That wasn't going to cut it. I needed the crunchy, creamy, real thing. So off I went to Google, and I found this recipe. Strange thing is, I had totally found this recipe before. This must not have been the first time I had searched for homemade Oreos. But it was the first time I made them. They were pretty simple to make, and totally satisfied the craving. They were even better with milk.

Kids and Parenting
CDC Researchers Say Mothers Should Stop Breastfeeding in Order to Boost Efficacy of Vaccines - This startling article describes how CDC researchers have found the antibodies in breastmilk to inhibit the effectiveness of the rotavirus vaccine in infants. This is yet another example of science and medicine working to resolve a symptom, not to find a cure. Perhaps if we worked on boosting our own immunity and health more naturally, there would be less of a need for vaccines overall. (I know, I know people... that will never happen. But in my utopia, it is a possibility).

Toddlers: Teens in the Making - This really hit home for me. I've been struggling to get Baby T to sleep since he quasi-gave up the crib, and thoughts have gone through my head like, I don't care how hard you cry, or if only I believed in spanking. I always said I would listen to my kids and let them communicate with me and respond to them on a case-by-case basis, as humans, not with the overarching "because I'm the parent." And when I'm in my whiny moments, I forget that Baby T is human, too. He has his own concerns, fears, and comforts. As in our life before kids and our life aside from kids we can lose ourselves from time to time, it's nice to have these little reminders.

Kids in the Kitchen: An Activity for Every Age

Welcome to the November Carnival of Natural Parenting: Kids in the Kitchen
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how kids get involved in cooking and feeding. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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We spend a lot of time in the kitchen. Someone is usually eating, washing dishes, cleaning out the fridge, or doing a project in there. It’s the only room in the house that’s not carpeted, so it’s the one place where my kids are free to run with paintbrushes and play with water without me cringing. So on those days when the weather prevents us from going outside and the kids are getting cabin fever, off to the kitchen we go. It’s a never-ending smorgasbord of activities.

What is Baby-Led Weaning Anyway?

Do I follow the baby-led weaning philosophy? It’s not like I sit my baby in the high chair and frantically shovel food down his throat at breakfast, lunch and dinner. I read his cues, and if he seems hungry while I’m eating, I feed him. But I do feed him store-bought baby food.

I mentioned when I wrote my post entitled "What is Attachment Parenting Anyway?" that I don’t like labels. It’s partly my own insecurity; because I don’t fit into any one label, I find it hard to attach labels to my parenting style. I have also found that trying to subscribe to any one label as a mother has interfered with my own intuition. For example, when Baby T was younger, I read so many books on sleep that I completely lost my own natural rhythm as a mother. It was like I completely forgot how to do anything without consulting a book.

Sunday Surf - Money, Chores, and a Green Halloween

I've been slacking on Sunday Surf posts lately because--well, because I've been slacking. My week starts on Monday and it starts off strong. I peter out and sit around and eat chocolate chip cookies and drink beer on Sundays.

But this week, the Carnival of Natural Parenting posts went up, and they dealt with money matters. I learned a lot, and I still am not done reading them all. I've also been doing some research about Halloween crafts and decorations. I've never been into holidays or decorating, but now that I have kids, it's so fun to do projects with them.

Here's a little shout out to the what I read this week.

Breastfeeding Support - And I'm Not Talking About the Boppy

This post is part of the Breastfeeding Blog Hop. Visit the links below and link up your own breastfeeding support story or leave a comment!

I was recently at the grocery store making a WIC purchase. The cashier commented that she notices that some people get baby meats with WIC and others don't. I explained that breastfed babies get meats because they don't get the iron that's supplemented in formula.

Then, the cashier said, "I didn't breastfeed. I was too scared."

Wow.

Preventing Tantrums through Play

Welcome to the September Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Through Play

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how challenging discipline situations can be met with play. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Ever since Baby T has been old enough to throw tantrums, it seems like my #1 parenting principle and mantra has been: Prevent Tantrum. It guides my day and parenting style. I’ve heard of the book “Playful Parenting” and have wanted to read it, because it seems right up my alley. I have found that the following equations are true:

Stern voice + controlling attitude = Tantrum
Loud voice + controlling attitude = Tantrum
Firm demands for compliance = Tantrum
Playing a game = a lot of extra time carved out of your day = an accommodating, happy-go-lucky kid

I never particularly planned to go this route, but it just began to happen. Toddlers need guidance well before they are old enough to use logic and reason (or even to be able to completely understand what you say to them). But they can sure throw tantrums before they have logic, reason, or communication.

So as Baby T began to need little bits of guidance here and there, we dealt that guidance with a fun, playful attitude. If we didn’t, it turned into—you guessed it—a tantrum. As you can see from the equations above, all we needed to do was throw our plans for efficiency out the window and keep a playful attitude. We were on toddler time now.

Sleep Training Part II – Then and Now

Baby T asleep on Big T's shoulder

Here’s my history with sleep and Baby T. You’ve probably heard it all before. He woke up often, especially between three and seven months. Sometimes he was waking every 20 minutes. I soothed him to sleep every time; I nursed him to sleep, rocked him to sleep, or wore him in a sling or a wrap to get him to sleep. Even in the middle of the night.

I read Elizabeth Pantley’s “No-Cry Sleep Solution,” and it made a lot of sense. There are people who say that it’s too complicated or it didn’t work for them. But I secretly think that the No-Cry Sleep Solution isn’t anything different than what you would do with a little common sense. It’s just a way to gradually (and she stresses gradually) wean your child off of being rocked, nursed, or worn to sleep. And eventually, they do gradually wean off of it.

But I was never alert enough at night to really try the steps in the “No-Cry Sleep Solution.” I just went back to the old standby: nursing, and if that didn’t get Baby T back to sleep, then rocking or babywearing did.

Inspiration Thursday: The Versatile Blogger Award

Thanks so much to one of my newest followers, Patricia of Lemondrops Dream Too, for awarding me the Versatile Blogger Award! It's inspiring to know that I inspire other people. I spend so much time stalking other people's blogs that sometimes it's a relief to know that other people are stalking mine, too! 

Inspiration Thursday - Learning by Example

As you know, I have struggled with just about everything that comes along with motherhood. I am constantly questioning whether I’m doing it right, and whether the way I’m acting now is going to lead my kids to be psycho serial killers when they’re older. When I was dealing with Baby T waking every 20 minutes at night at six months old, I read Marc Weissbluth’s “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” And I closed it when I read that a baby who doesn’t sleep X hours a night will result in a bratty, obese kid. I thought that was a little much.

And I was also a little scared. Baby T never slept as long as all the charts recommended. And I wasn’t as consistent as the experts suggested. And I was afraid I’d be nursing him and rocking him to sleep until he was in college. And then one day I laid Baby T down after he didn’t fall asleep nursing, and he went to sleep without a peep. And I looked back and thought, In hindsight, I did everything right.

Fast forward to issues with discipline. I have wavered back and forth from feeling like I’m not setting enough guidelines for Baby T to feeling like all I do is tell him what he can’t do, even though I try not to. I was recently really insecure about how I was handling his neediness and his tantrums.

And then I went to Asheville last weekend to meet a bunch of women who I’ve known for a long time. We met in the TTC forums on Mothering.com when we were all trying to conceive our babies. Now our babies are all two years old, give or take a couple of months. It’s amazing to think that I’ve known these women through some of the most important parts of my life.

I know more about them than most people I am acquainted with in real life, and they know more about me. I have always shared my fears, insecurities, and triumphs with them. And I respect just about everything they do.

It was so inspiring to spend the weekend with them. One of the reasons why is because I got to see how different everyone was, and how similar we all were at the same time. We all have similar goals for our children: we stress gentle discipline and natural parenting.

But our kids our very different. Namely, my kid. Baby T was by far the craziest kid there. He was whinier, tantrummier, and louder than the other kids. And I was noticing something: even though I try not to say “no” to Baby T a lot, Big T and I had fallen into the habit of saying “no” to a lot of things that weren’t important. And my friends were more “go with the flow” kind of parents.

When Baby T wants to paint, sometimes I say “no” because I don’t feel like pulling out the paints and paper. When we were at the grocery store just to pick up one thing and he wanted to go in the shopping cart that looked like a car, we started to say “no,” because it would take longer. When he started to whine and yell about it, we realized that it wouldn’t hurt anyone to let him ride in the cart. Yes, he likes to grab things off the shelves and get in and out of the cart every time we stop. Yes, it would take a little bit longer than just running in while holding him. But would it prevent a tantrum? Yes. Into the cart he went.

It’s easy to get used to a particular way of thinking or acting when parenting, and it can be a vicious cycle. Stepping back every once in a while to reassess the situation, your child, and your actions can be a big help. Of course, it doesn’t hurt to have inspiring role models around you.

Baby T hasn’t thrown a tantrum in a while. He has been much more agreeable since last weekend. And Big T and I have been going with the flow a little more. Thanks to all of those parents who continually inspire me to step back and reassess my parenting, making me a better mother.

What inspires you? 
Add a link to your Inspiration Thursday blog post below.
You can add a link for one week after the post goes up. 
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Creating With Kids - Don't Bite off More than you can Chew

Welcome to the August Carnival of Natural Parenting: Creating With Kids
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how they make messes and masterpieces with children. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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When Baby T came home from daycare and his daily "report" said, "Baby T liked painting, but we had to put away the paints because he only wanted to paint his arms," I thought, what do you expect? He's two.

Doing crafts with kids isn't about a pretty result; it's usually about exploring materials and using all the senses. Give your kids the tools and stand back to witness the masterpiece. Then, give them a bath and start all over the next day.

Read more about how to create with kids on my guest post at Natural Parents Network!


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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Family Draw Time Art Show — Kate Wicker shares art (and inspiration!) from her family's cherished tradition of family draw time.
• The Rules of Creativity: Learning to Create with the "Non-Creative" — Zoe at Give an Earthly shares how she learned to accept her "non-creative" child and claims that anyone, child or adult, can be creative given the right handling and environment.
• Creating With Kids: 4 Ways That Work For Us — See how Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings nurtures creativity with her kids through craft projects, outdoor creative play, celebrating the creative process, and setting up "little spaces of beauty."
• Creating memories, not things — Mrs. Green from Little Green Blog reflects on life with a ten year old and how 'creating together' has evolved from 'things' to memories.
• The Gift of Creation — It may be hot, but Kellie at Our Mindful Life is already thinking about winter.
• Hidden Talents — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how providing the opportunity for creativity sometimes means learning to look for hidden talents in unusual places.
• Creating Joy — CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy shares how she and her one year-old son create joy for their community.
• How to do Crafts with Kids — Gaby from Tmuffin guest posts at Natural Parents Network and describes how to keep things simple when doing crafts with kids for magical (easy-to-clean, and tantrum-free) results.
• Sugar & Spice & Baking on the Kitchen Floor — Carrie at Love Notes Mama enjoys making a mess in the kitchen with her daughter.
• Young Scientist Makes Purple Potion — Hannah at Wild Parenting loves being a lab assistant for the young scientist in her life.
• Making a butterfly house — Lauren at Hobo Mama demonstrates the proper way to build a wooden butterfly house with a preschooler.
• Nurturing Creativity — Amyables at Toddler In Tow shares the enjoyment she feels in nurturing the creativity of her children.
• Home School Music - Sparking A New Generation Of Musicians — Based on her musical background, Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey talks about how she creates with and teaches music to her children.
• Creating (im)perfectly Together — Mudpiemama shares some of the highlights of a summer spent building everything from ships to hoops but most of a lesson on letting go of perfection.
• Family Soccer Kick Around — When her children wanted to play soccer, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children helped organize something that would work for her family.
• Creating Memories Together on Skype — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells how you can create memories online with adult children or anyone who lives in another city or country.
• We'll always have Halloween: Creating costumes for kids — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is not the craftiest mom on the block, but she does make a mean homemade Halloween costume.
• Let's Make Juice! — Wendylori at High Needs Attachment shares about the benefits of juicing with kids, as well as a quick recipe.
• Everything's Better When It's Homemade — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro praises the art of homemade goods.
• Creating the Opportunity for Art — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction shares how her family has created an environment conducive to art.
• 10 Easy and Functional Crafts Preschoolers Can Do with Minimal Assistance — Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers ten easy crafts preschoolers can do while sitting near parents — but they don't need a lot of parental help. Added bonus: all of these ten ideas double as something functional (gifts, decor, educational).
• Creating with Kids: Singing Together — Ana at Pandamoly details the important role music takes in her household and provides a quick (and easy!) tutorial for creating fun songs to sing together!
• Create This — jessica at instead of institutions considers different aspects of creativity including those without an end product.
• Make Your Own Pocket Bib — A tutorial from Amy at Anktangle on how to make two simple and quick bibs to keep your little one clean at the table.
• Creating Together in the Kitchen — Despite not feeling "crafty," Momma Jorje finds a way to create and connect with her toddler.
• An Artist-Mama's Perspective — In this post, Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses the differences between her choice of artistic outlet and her son's, and how they embrace those differences together.
• Heart of the Home — Jona at Life, Intertwined shares some highlights of cooking with kids.
• Getting creative with kids — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares how much she enjoys watching her daughter getting creative.
• Creating with Children - The Nature/Seasonal Table — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama celebrates the rhythm of the natural world with her toddler through the creation of a seasonal nature table.
• How Involving My Kid Saves My Sanity — The Happy Hippie Homemaker explains how involving her toddler in projects allows her to get more done, while providing valuable opportunities to teach and to bond (added bonus: amazing oatmeal raisin cookie recipe!).
• In the Kitchen with Kids — Cooking with Real and Pretend Food — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle engages her kids in the kitchen with culinary creations of both real and pretend food.

INSPIRATION THURSDAY: QUESTIONS FOR THE VILLAGE

It takes a village. Here are some questions for my village people.

Raising a toddler is insane. I thought I was insecure about my abilities to raise an infant, but raising a toddler takes things to a whole new level. Now that he can talk, listen, and remember what I tell him, I feel myself wavering with everything I do. I’m an admittedly inconsistent parent. That worked for us when he was a baby, though. It helped me listen to him and respond appropriately to how my baby needed me at the time. I didn’t have any rules, really. I just did what felt right.

Now that Baby T is a toddler, I’m not sure that inconsistency is the best policy. Sometimes I’m afraid that I’m not organizing his chaotic mind enough. Other times I feel like all I do is talk and redirect him: “Let’s get out of the fridge now. Please use gentle hands on your brother. Feet on the floor, please. Take that out of your mouth. Sit properly on that chair.” It seems like everything he does lately is dangerous or hurtful, and I’m constantly redirecting. Sometimes I get tired of hearing my own voice.

So I wanted to ask the inspirational mamas who posted about their parenting philosophies for the Carnival of Natural Parenting this month: What would you do? That’s right—I’m blatantly begging for advice.

Dear Natural Mamas: My son is a toddler. And I have no idea how to lovingly guide him and nurture his spirit while setting boundaries and keeping him out of danger and out of the fridge.

WHAT IS ATTACHMENT PARENTING ANYWAY?

Welcome to the July Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Philosophy
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared their parenting practices and how they fit in with their parenting purpose. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Before I had kids, I had a slight idea of what my parenting philosophy was: I basically knew that I wanted an open, respectful relationship with my kids. But that was it. I was never much of a babysitter; I had never been around kids before. I had no idea how to breastfeed and deal with sleep issues, much less discipline and deal with the teenage years. I started to become addicted to the forums on mothering.com. I scoured the Gentle Discipline forum and the one about sleep. I was forming an idea of how I wanted to parent.

I read a lot about attachment parenting and natural parenting. A lot of it resonated with me. I decided I wanted to be an AP mama. The idea that being there for your baby whenever he needs you made sense to me. If baby feels secure with mama and at home, he’s more likely to venture out and explore the world at his own pace.

Then Baby T was born. The one parenting issue that I knew my indecisive self would never waver on was breastfeeding. It was my only option. Luckily, there were no challenges in that department. I say luckily because there were challenges in every other department.

MONDAY MOMENTS: AN UNEXPECTED REQUEST

I haven't really posted about this, because there was so much going on at the time. But guess what?

Baby T has weaned.

He stopped nursing about 2 or three months ago. It has kind of been such a nonevent that I didn't even mark it in my baby book. That's not what was unexpected, though.

It's when he asks to nurse again. Which happens at least once a week.

INSPIRATION THURSDAY - A Renaissance Soul

I’ve been working nonstop for the past few weeks—between 12-hour nursing sessions and attempts to exercise that are foiled by wildfire-smoke-filled air—and I was clicking between my four email accounts today with my left pinky because Little M wouldn’t nap unless he was on the boob. Surprise surprise. And Wimbledon was on, so I couldn’t veg in front of Dr. Phil (I know, I know, but it’s like watching a train wreck. I like to turn it on and cringe when there’s absolutely nothing else to do). And I only have four TV channels since they took away my Bravo (all you people who don’t have cable, you know what I mean. ANNOYING!)

So anyway. I was clicking around in my email, and came across BlacksburgBelle.com. I found the website because an adorable onesie caught my eye in the email, so I clicked onto SoRad’s website, then I noticed that there was a blog post about marketing, so I clicked on that, and I found this girl’s website.

I started reading her blog. And I came across this post.

And I started thinking, “Who is this girl?” This post. Is. Me. Exactly. I think April Bowles-Olin is my doppelganger.