Preventing Tantrums through Play

Welcome to the September Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Through Play

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how challenging discipline situations can be met with play. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Ever since Baby T has been old enough to throw tantrums, it seems like my #1 parenting principle and mantra has been: Prevent Tantrum. It guides my day and parenting style. I’ve heard of the book “Playful Parenting” and have wanted to read it, because it seems right up my alley. I have found that the following equations are true:

Stern voice + controlling attitude = Tantrum
Loud voice + controlling attitude = Tantrum
Firm demands for compliance = Tantrum
Playing a game = a lot of extra time carved out of your day = an accommodating, happy-go-lucky kid

I never particularly planned to go this route, but it just began to happen. Toddlers need guidance well before they are old enough to use logic and reason (or even to be able to completely understand what you say to them). But they can sure throw tantrums before they have logic, reason, or communication.

So as Baby T began to need little bits of guidance here and there, we dealt that guidance with a fun, playful attitude. If we didn’t, it turned into—you guessed it—a tantrum. As you can see from the equations above, all we needed to do was throw our plans for efficiency out the window and keep a playful attitude. We were on toddler time now.

Playful Ruse #1: THROW!

Throw!!

Not at me!

Probably the first thing we did that caused Baby T distress (in the form of a tantrum) was take things away from him. We didn’t do this often, but when he had the plug from the lamp or a newly sharpened pencil in his hand, we had to take those things away. Then came the times where he wasn’t holding something imminently dangerous, but it had to go nonetheless. Think leaving the toothbrush in the bathroom after brushing teeth and before bed or leaving snacks in the car when we got to daycare.

I would give Baby T the option to put the object down, but of course he never wanted to. It would go something like this:

“Can you drop the toothbrush now?” Nothing.

Ok, “Please drop the toothbrush.”

Nope.

“Drop the toothbrush. Put it down.”

White-knuckling it.

O-kay… “Can you throw the toothbrush, Baby T? THROW!!! Right here in the sink. I’ll show you. See? THROW!!!”

And Baby T put his arm in the air, threw the toothbrush into the sink, and turned around to head for the bedroom.

So now, whenever we get to daycare, he throws whatever toy, snack, or drink he was holding onto the floor or the seat next to him before I unbuckle him. He likes to toss his pacifier into his crib and see if he can make it (instead of throwing a fit because we’re trying to dislodge it from his teeth). If he has something he doesn’t want to relinquish, throwing it is pretty fun. It has become an almost fail-safe routine.

Playful Ruse #2: I’m going to count to 3.

When I say "three," I'd like to to stop touching the clock.

This isn’t the usual count to three business. It involves no punishment; it’s just a way to prepare Baby T for what is coming next. I started this pretty early too. If I wanted him to do something that he wasn’t doing—say, get him to come lie down for a diaper change, I would simply say, “I would like you to come lie down here. I’m going to count to three. When I say THREE! I want you to lie down here. If you don’t, I’m just going to come get you.” (I would say this in kind of a playful tone, as though we were about to play a really fun game.)

Then I would count. One… Two… THREE! And if he didn’t come, I would say, “Now I have to get you!” And I would playfully grab him. The key was to do this in a fun way, not a harsh, controlling way. Holding him upside down or playing “Flying Baby T” would usually accomplish this and have him giggling.

Now, I almost never get to three. When I tell him I’m going to count, he gets excited and does whatever I asked him to as though it’s a game.

Playful Ruse #3: Tackle!

Triple tackle!!

Racing and tackling have become a way to move Baby T from A to B. This is mainly a Big T activity. But somewhere along the way, he discovered that Baby T loves being “tackled.” Big T will chase him to his bedroom, where Baby T will jump onto the bed and Big T will pretend to tackle him. This is a great way to get him to his room to get dressed, go to bed, or get his diaper changed. When Baby T is whining that he doesn’t want to go, Big T will say, “Do you want to get tackled?”

And Baby T is off like a speeding bullet, yelling, “Tackle me!”

So much of what we do on a daily basis involves singing, making up funny songs, tickling, and flying through the air. It’s how we get diapers changed, shoes on, naps taken, and teeth brushed. Are these tasks accomplished in record time? Not even close. But I cringe every time Big T or I loses patience and gets antsy about how long Baby T is taking to do something. Because I know that if we push him, he will lose his patience, and we’ll be dealing with much more than lost time.

Keeping things light and making things into a game is how we keep sane in our family. My sister recently said something to me that really made me feel great. I was expressing how I was frustrated with Baby T for some reason, and she said that she was impressed with how little she heard me raise my voice when I was frustrated with him. I try not to raise my voice often, but I didn’t realize I was succeeding. I think a lot of it has to do with making life fun and easy. That makes for a very happy family.



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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• On being a more playful parent — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares how the Playful Parenting book impacted her.
• Parenting a toddler through play — Alicia at I Found My Feet lists some examples of how she uses play to parent through everyday tasks and challenges.
• Splashing in Puddles — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares how she learned to get dirty and have fun with her little boy.
• Say Please — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life explains how they taught their son manners by "play," showing that actions speak louder than words.
• No Nanny Needed — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life wishes parenting through play was her only responsibility during the day.
• I'll Run Away With Gypsies — Nikalee at Spotted Pandemonium maneuvers physical and emotional obstacles while spinning playful tales, jumping through hoops, and inspiring the kids to clean the living room.
• A Promise To My Daughter — Lindsey at An Unschooling Adventure writes a poem for her daughter promising to use play instead of anger when facing difficult situations.
• Parenting Through Play — Not Always Easy But Always Rewarding — Amy at Peace4Parents discusses how play hasn't always come easily to her, the power of appreciative observation, and how her family learns together through play.
• Imagination Plays a Role in Our Parenting — Tree at Mom Grooves shares how parents can use play to set the foundation for communication and understanding.
• A Box of Crayons — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction talks about how a simple box of crayons has become a wonderful parenting and teaching tool.
• The Essential Art of Play — Ana at Pandamoly shares some of her favorite lessons available for young ones through play.
• The Art of Distraction — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro shares a list of distracting alternatives to harsh punishments in tough parenting situations.
• Grace and Courtesy Games at Home or School — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now has ideas for grace and courtesy games that help you encourage courteous behavior without reprimanding your child.
• I am woman, hear me roar! — Mrs Green from Little Green Blog shares how one simple sound can diffuse an argument in an instant.
• Getting Cooperation Through Play — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about respecting the worldview of a preschooler by using play to encourage connection and cooperation.
• Playful Parenting = Extra Energy?? — Momma Jorje didn't think she had the energy for playful parenting. See what she was surprised to learn…
• Dance Party Parenting — Laura from A Pug in the Kitchen learned how to be the parent her children need through play.
• Wrestling Saved My Life — Wrestling is as vital to her son's well-being as babywearing once was, finds Hannah at Wild Parenting.
• Parenting through play — By playing with her children, Tara from MUMmedia is given amazing opportunites to teach, train and equip her children for life.
• Parenting Through Play Starts in Infancy — In a guest post at Natural Parents Network, Issa from LoveLiveGrow shares that though she only has a 3-month-old, playful parenting has already started.
• Play Before Sleep — Adrienne at Mommying My Way writes about how playing and singing with her son before he falls asleep helps calm her frustrations that tend to arise at night.
• Playful Parenting — Or 5 Lessons My Son Has Taught Me About Parenting Through Play — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama has learned to be a better parent by following her toddler's lead in play.
• Hurry up! Hurry up! I mean it! Quack, quack, quack! — Kellie at Our Mindful Life leads a trail of ducklings
• On the Road: Learning to Play — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante discovers her inner adult through a summer of playing with her children.
• Preventing Tantrums Through Play — Gaby at Tmuffin explains how she keeps her household happy by not taking things too seriously.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Through Play — Lily, aka Witch Mom, redirects unwanted behavior in a toddler using games and play.
• Exaggerating for effect — Lauren at Hobo Mama has learned how to ham it up.
• Handling Big Emotions with Role Playing — Zoie at TouchstoneZ plays at tempering her parental frustrations while helping her children handle some big emotions
• How To Herd Toddlers by Talking Pictorially — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama demonstrates how talking in pictures is a playful way to engage your young child in transitioning from one activity to the next.
• Getting a Toddler to Go Where You Want…Playfully — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how a game of hide-and-seek can be used to steer a wandering toddler in the direction of her choosing.
• Playful Parenting: Chores That Do Themselves — Remember chores when you were a kid? If chores were this fun for Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey, she wouldn't have needed any reminders!
• Clown School Express: Playing away Fears — MudpieMama describes how she helped her boys confront their fears about starting kindergarten by playing with trains.
• Practicing Playful Parenting — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle realizes that playfulness is the best way through the day and seeks more ways to practice it.
• Today, Tomorrow and Every Day — Starr at Taking Time addresses her children in a letter sharing with them how improtant it is that they spend their childhood playing.
• Learning Through Immersion — Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares how she helps her daughter develop naturally without focusing on teaching, but rather by immersing her in their family's way of life and making her an active part of her environment.
• Play Here Now — Jessica at Instead of Institutions learns and relearns and tries to remember the value of play.
• Play: A Wonderful Parenting Tool — Mamapoekie from Authentic Parenting offers a list of examples on how to use play in real-life parenting situations.
• Playful Parenting — a Book Review — Erica at ChildOrganics shares simple yet sage advice from Dr. Cohen on how play can change your child's life.
• Mock Threats: Turning Real Frustration into Playful Parenting — Threatening is not an effective discipline strategy, but Dionna at Code Name: Mama explains how parents can turn their frustration into playful moments by making "mock threats."
• I'm Sick of Yelling — I Want to Play — Alicia at McCrenshaw's Newest Thoughts realizes she needs to change the way she's parenting and is forming a new plan.
• Sing-along, Brush-along Songs — Shana at Tales of Minor Interest shares a few songs to make brushing her three-year-old's teeth more fun.
• Monster Voice — Ever have those frustrating moments with your kid(s) when you just want to scream? Amy at Anktangle shares a silly strategy for getting through those difficult times.