Doing it on Purpose

So 2012 has begun pretty tumultuously. I've been absent for a while. From my blog, sometimes from motherhood, sometimes from my partnership with Big T, and sometimes from my friendships.

I've been dealing with a death (not mine), a divorce (not mine), a wedding (mine--Yay!), a car accident (mine), a new business property (mine), and a possible home move (mine). It's a lot, and I haven't had the time or the mental and emotional capacity to sit down in front of the computer and share it with you.

But I also have made some wonderful connections through this blog, and I don't want to lose them. I appreciate all of my followers, and I feel very disconnected without having been following you guys in the past few months.

Part of the reason I haven't blogged recently is also because I had a huge realization this year: I'm not a blogger.

Let me explain. I love blogging, I love writing, and I love connecting. Most of all, I love sharing. I like to talk. Once you get me talking, I don't really stop. So that's what was happening with this blog, and I was talking about motherhood, talking about breastfeeding, talking about the activities I would love to do with my kids, talking about organizing my life, and talking about my business. But I wasn't actually doing anything. 

I hit a major turning point in February, when I realized I was going to have trouble paying my bills that month. And that's when I realized: I'm supposed to be running a business here. Tmuffin is my passion, but I was turning into a hobby. It had been just about one year since I had quit my full-time office job to try out my WAHM opportunities, and my company hadn't grown. I've been doing really well with my online freelancing and crowdsourcing work, but I haven't been focusing on my true passion: giving moms all the stuff I felt wasn't available when I was looking for it.

So I'm repurposing this blog. I'm repurposing Tmuffin. You could also say I'm repurposing motherhood.

There is some good stuff coming. (I know I've been promising that. Just so you know, when I promise a deadline, it usually takes 3 times as long as I originally planned.) So please stay tuned. I haven't forgotten about all of you. I'm working to make Tmuffin a really useful resource for all of you, not just a fun click through on your way to bigger and better things. In fact, Tmuffin is on its way to bigger and better things. If you sign up for the Tmuffin newsletter, you won't miss the big stuff when it happens. And it's happening.

Tmuffin in 2012

 I'm not a big New Year's resolution person. That's probably because I tend to make resolutions all year long, and then time passes, life happens, and I forget all about them. I don't want the added pressure of making resolutions I might not keep and feeling guilty all year. And I don't tend to like doing what everyone else is doing. ("Why am I blogging then?" you wonder. I know, right?)

My last photo of 2011

This year feels different. Instead of feeling like I have to break out on my own to prove myself, I've become enveloped in this community where everyone is feeding off of everyone else. It's like college, only with fewer vices. And my all-nighters aren't self-inflicted. The past few years have only been getting more meaningful, and this year feels like it's going to be the apex. Things are going to happen. I'm going to make them happen.

And things don't happen without goals. So here we go: My resolutions for 2012.

Be more honest in my blog - I tend to want to write content that people want to read, and I'm also a bit of a know-it-all. So I often write blog posts that make it sound like I have the answers. I've mentioned before that I don't have the answers. In case you were confused. I'm learning as I go along, and I often have no idea what I'm doing. Sometimes I do feel like an expert on a given topic. (I told you, I'm kind of a know-it-all). But sometimes I don't. I'm going to remind you guys of that more often this year.

Start exercising again - How cliche. I am so bad at finding the time to exercise. I don't prioritize it at all, but I need to. It can add years to my life. Right now, I feel like I want more time with my kids and Big T. I might change my mind when I'm 105. But I need to get my weight and my health back under control. I've also started menu planning in an effort to spend less money and eat more whole foods. I write about my menu plans every Monday, so check back for great recipes and menu planning tips and ideas.

Promote my business - I've been trying to build the Tmuffin brand for two years now. In 2011, I quit my full-time job to take care of the kids and work on my business. I've done a lot of setup and a lot of planning, but when people ask what I do for a living, I still stumble on my reply: "Um, I do a lot of stuff. To help moms. I make things, I teach classes..." I usually trail off. This is my new reply: "I run Tmuffin, a business that helps moms find their groove."

Make more art - I tell people I'm an artist, but I have spent the past year focusing on blogging and initiating my business that I've put off actually making things. This year, I need to be making a lot more art. I'll be making coloring sheets and printables, as well as educational and sensory toys for kids out of things like repurposed sweaters. I have an itch to create, and this year I have to scratch it.

Listen more and talk less - Shut up; I know what you're thinking. Especially if you know me in person. But this year is about learning, listening, and making connections. I often fail to make a true connection with people because I'm too busy talking and sharing. And I appreciate so much what other people have to share. This year I'm the one who is going to shut up.


Get more organized - I cringe as I write those very words. I am not organized. I spend as much time looking for things as I spend doing them. I try to get organized and I always fall back into my messy ways. I don't like taking time to organize or to put things away. I move from project to project, stuffing things into drawers and flinging supplies around the room. You think I'm exaggerating. I'm not.

The house is stuffed to the gills and I drive myself crazy going into four different rooms looking for the diaper cream. I'm tired of having to come up with five options every time Big T asks me to find something. I'm not one of those people who always misplaces their car keys. I just always misplace everything else.

I am going to start by having a place for everything. I want to treat my space like a blind person does, so I can just reach for something and know it's always there. If I can organize my space, I feel like I will feel so much less overwhelmed. I also need to organize my time. I made a huge dry-erase to-do list the other day, and I'm determined to use it. (Ignore the two tasks on there from Thursday that I haven't done yet). I just have to organize my time as well as my space. Maybe get on Facebook a little less or something.


Be more present and mindful with my family - Probably due to my lack of organization, I tend to always be doing 10 things at once. I often find myself getting frustrated with the kids because I can't finish a particular task that I'm working on (or several) because someone woke up early from a nap or didn't sit down to lunch. When I'm with the kids, they need to be my number one priority. They notice when my mind is all over the place, and no one benefits when I tell them "just a minute" five thousand times. Baby T is starting to notice. He now tells me "just a minute," or he tells me, "Mom! You forgot my juice!" And I do. I forget a lot of things. I need to focus, and that includes focusing more on my kids and Big T.

And that's the end of my resolution list. I'm not going to go crazy with it. This is enough for now. I can tell you right now the hardest things are going to be exercising and organizing. I should have added "hire a personal trainer and an assistant" to the list of resolutions. Oh, well. There is always next year.

Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter in the sidebar to the right so you don't miss out on any of the cool stuff I'll have for you this year!

Inspiration Thursday - Learning by Example

As you know, I have struggled with just about everything that comes along with motherhood. I am constantly questioning whether I’m doing it right, and whether the way I’m acting now is going to lead my kids to be psycho serial killers when they’re older. When I was dealing with Baby T waking every 20 minutes at night at six months old, I read Marc Weissbluth’s “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” And I closed it when I read that a baby who doesn’t sleep X hours a night will result in a bratty, obese kid. I thought that was a little much.

And I was also a little scared. Baby T never slept as long as all the charts recommended. And I wasn’t as consistent as the experts suggested. And I was afraid I’d be nursing him and rocking him to sleep until he was in college. And then one day I laid Baby T down after he didn’t fall asleep nursing, and he went to sleep without a peep. And I looked back and thought, In hindsight, I did everything right.

Fast forward to issues with discipline. I have wavered back and forth from feeling like I’m not setting enough guidelines for Baby T to feeling like all I do is tell him what he can’t do, even though I try not to. I was recently really insecure about how I was handling his neediness and his tantrums.

And then I went to Asheville last weekend to meet a bunch of women who I’ve known for a long time. We met in the TTC forums on Mothering.com when we were all trying to conceive our babies. Now our babies are all two years old, give or take a couple of months. It’s amazing to think that I’ve known these women through some of the most important parts of my life.

I know more about them than most people I am acquainted with in real life, and they know more about me. I have always shared my fears, insecurities, and triumphs with them. And I respect just about everything they do.

It was so inspiring to spend the weekend with them. One of the reasons why is because I got to see how different everyone was, and how similar we all were at the same time. We all have similar goals for our children: we stress gentle discipline and natural parenting.

But our kids our very different. Namely, my kid. Baby T was by far the craziest kid there. He was whinier, tantrummier, and louder than the other kids. And I was noticing something: even though I try not to say “no” to Baby T a lot, Big T and I had fallen into the habit of saying “no” to a lot of things that weren’t important. And my friends were more “go with the flow” kind of parents.

When Baby T wants to paint, sometimes I say “no” because I don’t feel like pulling out the paints and paper. When we were at the grocery store just to pick up one thing and he wanted to go in the shopping cart that looked like a car, we started to say “no,” because it would take longer. When he started to whine and yell about it, we realized that it wouldn’t hurt anyone to let him ride in the cart. Yes, he likes to grab things off the shelves and get in and out of the cart every time we stop. Yes, it would take a little bit longer than just running in while holding him. But would it prevent a tantrum? Yes. Into the cart he went.

It’s easy to get used to a particular way of thinking or acting when parenting, and it can be a vicious cycle. Stepping back every once in a while to reassess the situation, your child, and your actions can be a big help. Of course, it doesn’t hurt to have inspiring role models around you.

Baby T hasn’t thrown a tantrum in a while. He has been much more agreeable since last weekend. And Big T and I have been going with the flow a little more. Thanks to all of those parents who continually inspire me to step back and reassess my parenting, making me a better mother.

What inspires you? 
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MONDAY MOMENTS: Attached and Connected Through Motherhood

I’m joining Capital Mom to share my Monday Moment. Check out her blog for other Monday Moments and to join in on the fun!

Today’s theme is Alone. When I read that, I dug deep down to think about what I could write about. The word is so far out of my vocabulary these days. I almost skipped this week, but then I decided to challenge myself and really let myself sit with that word for a moment. In between diaper changes, cleaning poop off the floor, tiptoeing between what seems like thousand little Hot Wheels cars strewn across the living room, showering with my toddler, discussing the challenges of mothering with my friends, nursing an infant, distracting a toddler who wants to nurse, bouncing a little one on my lap, and lots of hugs, I thought about the word.

Alone.

And I realized that it’s just not part of my vocabulary anymore. When I wrote my post questioning my parenting style and wondering if I can, in fact, label it as attachment parenting, I wasn’t sure. There are many things I do that go in the other direction.