The Big Boy Bed

In my last post, I talked about how, when I sought support for breastfeeding, it was often just empathy that I wanted. I often act like I want answers, but I often just want to know that other people are going through the same things that I am. And I often act like I have answers, but I really don't. I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to mothering. In this blog, although I often try to post constructive content that sounds like I've found the answer, I really don't have any answers.


I think I'm going to try to post a little more about my lack of answers than about having found them. Because I haven't. If you're looking for some commiseration, come here. If you're looking for answers, well...I'm not sure anyone really has them. It's all about trying out what works for you and coming to a conclusion that's right for your family.

So my most recent drama has involved the big boy bed. Specifically Baby T's aversion to it. There has been a twin mattress on the floor in Baby T's room--his big boy bed--for about a year. Baby T was sleeping in it before Little M was born. But after Little M was born, Baby T went back in his crib and never looked back. Until last week, when this happened:



We had to do something. This wasn't safe, and it was happening in the pitch black, in the middle of the night. I was hesitant to convert the crib into the toddler bed because, well, it was a pain in the ass. I really just wanted Baby T to sleep in his big boy bed and be done with it.

So last Thursday, I decided to try to get Baby T to sleep in his big boy bed. It's not a foreign concept to him. He used to sleep in it until Little M was born. We talk about it all the time. He has gone to bed in it before. But he always ended up in his crib. But now his crib is a death trap and is no longer an option. The problem is that Big T isn't always around at night, so sometimes I have to do bedtimes by myself. That's not so easy with two kids.

It used to be easy, though. I've written about how Baby T used to ask to go to bed, lie down in his crib, and drift off without a word. And sitting in his room with him, lying with him, or singing to him is harder when Little M still has to go to bed. But that's apparently what Baby T needs in order to sleep in his big boy bed. And frankly, although I tend to have a lot of some patience when Baby T throws tantrums or is otherwise difficult to handle during the day, when it comes to sleep, I lose my patience.

So last Thursday, I put Baby T to bed in his big boy bed. He proceeded to cry hysterically for 45 minutes. During this time, I stood outside his door and led him back to bed every time he tried to get out. I went in and sang to him. I sat next to him and rubbed his back. I put up the baby gate on his door and went to the other room and nursed Little M. I cut Little M's nursing session short and put him in his own bed screaming so I could go back to Baby T. I was going nuts. Both kids were screaming.

I'll be honest--I don't want to sit in Baby T's room with him as he goes to sleep. I don't want to sing to him. I don't want to rub his back. If I only had one kid, I would be more willing to do that. I would be more sympathetic to Baby T's need for comfort. But having to take care of two kids at once, my own selfishness takes over. I don't want to instill a habit in Baby T's bedtime routine that he has never needed before. That night was bad. If I could have locked him in his room, I would have. I didn't feel sympathetic toward him; I felt angry. I felt sad and guilty that I couldn't give him my undivided attention as I was nursing Little M and Baby T was yelling hysterically, "I want you, mommy."And I felt angry that everything had changed.


(When I thought about it rationally the next day, I did come to the conclusion that maybe this was a good thing--maybe this was my opportunity to nurse Little M in Baby T's room while I sang to him, which would mean that I could set Little M down in that room after he fell asleep. It is my ultimate goal for both boys to share a room. But I wasn't rational that night. Sleep issues make me very, very irrational.)

Finally, Baby T asked to sleep in his crib. I relented. As soon as he was in his crib, he stopped crying and fell right to sleep. He climbed out about five times that night and Big T had to put him back in his crib.

The next day, I decided to talk to Baby T about his sleeping arrangement. He really didn't want to talk about it. He wouldn't answer me when I asked him questions about his big boy bed. Finally, I asked, "What do you like about your big boy bed?" He replied, "My crib."

Sigh.

So Big T decided to transform the crib into a toddler bed. We just couldn't risk keeping the railing on the crib and having Baby T climb out in the middle of the night, but he obviously wanted to sleep in his crib. I was out during the morning and Big T transformed the crib while I was gone. Apparently it wasn't as hard as I had imagined.

When it came time for Baby T's nap....

He wouldn't sleep in his crib-turned-toddler-bed.

He is now sleeping in his big boy bed.