INSPIRATION THURSDAY - I’M OFFICIALLY A WAHM!

The Beginning

I started this blog after Baby T was born because, through him, I was inspired to take the leap to the second stage of my life: motherhood. It has been the most profound step I have taken in my life so far. It sounds so cliché, but all of a sudden my life has a meaning it never had before. Coming home from the hospital with Baby T, I remember Big T saying, “It’s amazing how everything he sees is new to him.” And all of a sudden it hit me how malleable and impressionable children are. And I was the one who was responsible for guiding him, teaching him, and inspiring him.

That’s a tall order, and that same thought has been known to freak a lot of mamas out.

Inspired by Baby

But I was ready for it. I became engulfed in bonding with my baby. The guilt I felt for not being able to be a completely attached mama—because I worked full time (and because sometimes I lose my mind in the middle of the night)—ate away at me. Through nursing strikes, ear infections, and first words, I held him and looked into his eyes, wishing I didn’t have to leave him every morning.

If You Can Make a Baby, You Can Make Anything, Right?

At the same time, I was also filled with an urgency to create. I’ve always created in some way. I used to fill notebooks with stories about princesses, I wrote a “book” in high school about first love. I could sit and draw the day away in my sketch pad when all the other kids wanted to play hide and seek. I’ve gone through various phases of inspiration in my life, and this was the strongest.

All of a sudden, between a 40-hour workweek, a baby who didn’t sleep more than an hour at a time during the day or night, and spending time with Big T, I began to create. I started my blog and my Etsy shop. The ideas began to trickle in.

It Comes in Waves

Fast forward one year. I found out I was pregnant with Little M. It took me by surprise. The thought of having another baby exhausted me at first. I was physically exhausted as well at the beginning of my pregnancy. But I kept creating.

Nurture

Baby T was getting to the stage where he could really interact. I started looking for activities that I could do with him to enrich his own imagination and creativity. I love the way his voice gets excited when he says, “I want do project!” and runs to the kitchen table. I learned that paper mache is a little advanced for a 14 month old. He had fun pouring the torn newspaper from container to container, though. I started to get nervous that my son had ADD. He loves projects, but they usually don’t hold his attention for more than 5 or 10 minutes. But he inspires me. The way he concentrated so hard on dropping the eggs into the jars when we dyed Easter eggs;

the way he scribbles over a picture I’ve drawn and tells me he just drew a doggie; the way he draws on his chalkboard wall: furious and firm vertical lines punctuated by flowing circles. 

Starting to Write Internet Content

Then I had Little M and went on maternity leave. I had been dabbling in writing for the year before that, but started concentrating on it more intensely, because I knew that if I could bring in a consistent income, I could quit my job and stay home. Writing brought a whole new inspiration to me. I’m the kind of person who totally understands the commercial for the Bing search engine, where people spout out their free-association search phrases. One leads to another, to another, and to another… that’s how I am with knowledge. I like to learn. So writing Internet content for other people about who knows what is kind of fun. I get to use my brain, my creativity, and learn about something new every day.

And I get to hang out with my new little muffin every day, too. 

Can I Really Go Back to Work?

I started to feel physically ill at the thought of going back to work. That was the hardest time for me after I had Baby T. I was dreading it even more this time. Not only did Little M get stuck with only half of our undivided attention because his older brother commands so much energy, he was going to end up in daycare at only 3 months old? It hurt to think about it.

Can I really Stay Home?

So I prolonged my maternity leave another month and finally made the decision to cut the cord. To my full-time salary.

So here I am. I’m fully inspired. I’m ready to go. I’m writing up a storm these days. I consider it my day job, in addition to cuddling with Little M and trying to get some laundry done. I stripped my diapers for the first time today (I finally had a need to, since I’ve been able to full-time cloth diaper with Little M). It’s the little things.

Finding a Method for my Madness

I’m just trying to figure out what I want my career to be long term. I am passionate about a lot of things. One of the things I have realized is that even though I’m a homebody, I like to belong to a network of sharing. Beyond the friendship, I like being able to share what I’m passionate about and learn about other people’s passions. Hence the blogging. And I’ve been teaching childbirth education classes. For a while, I wondered if that was really what I wanted to do. But I’m passionate about it because I want to share one of the most inspiring moments of my life with other women because I want other women to know how amazing it feels. 

And I’m passionate about creating. So how can I combine all of this under the Tmuffin umbrella? Because Tmuffin wears a lot of hats, and I think that’s the way it’s supposed to be. 

I’m working with a career coach—who also is a very inspiring woman—to help me figure it out. She says that you eventually get where you’re going, but there’s a long way and a short way to get there. I still don’t know if I’ve taken the long way or the short way, because I feel like I’ve taken the meaningful way. Everything I’ve done in my life has had a deeper meaning. And I realized that at this point in my life, I am surrounded by people who inspire me. 

That helps.

The Third Stage in Life

So even though this blog post was probably the long way to get my point across, I’m going to be doing some research this month to find out where I want to go with the career part of my life. The third stage of my life: my career. 

It’s kind of freaky to say that.